


AFTERLIGHT

by cucumbersandwitches



Series: DAYBREAK [1]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: AU where Bella is already a Vampire, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Cullen Content, Edward is still angsty, F/M, Much of the mormon creepyness is omitted, Twilight Series Rewrite, Vampire Bella Swan, i have forgotten what the canon really is at this point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28536792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cucumbersandwitches/pseuds/cucumbersandwitches
Summary: Bella arrives in Forks under completely different pretences. She is more than just older, her hair is more than just longer, and her paleness finally has an explanation.(Or, Esme has more than one speaking line, the truth is the least of Edward’s concerns, Bella deservedly kills more than one man, and Charlie is a little too okay with his daughter no longer being human.)
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Series: DAYBREAK [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090511
Comments: 33
Kudos: 112





	1. PREFACE - ALIVE OR DEAD

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to preface this fic by saying that I don't condone the sexism, toxic behaviour, and racism in the original cannon and have taken steps to use my writing to correct what I see needs correction in the spirit of the Twilight Renaissance and being critical of media. Thus, the wolf pack is mentioned but does not feature prominently. This is more of an exploration of vampirism after reading Midnight Sun. I pull directly from both Twilight and Midnight Sun so watch out for easter eggs and subtle ironies. 
> 
> This au has also been done many times before and any resemblances to other fics of similar plot are purely accidental, I simply wanted to add my own take. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Renee had never given much thought to her daughter’s death. She didn’t like acknowledging that bad things could happen. She lived so often in the warm sunshine of prosperity and happiness she could not even begin to consider her utterly perfect daughter leaving her behind; it was always the other way around. She had always expected Bella to outlive her. Renee lived a fast-paced lifestyle and thought she would most likely die of skin cancer after one too many hours on the beach or in a freak motorcycle accident. Her daughter was the opposite. Docile, mature, unendingly curious but not quite always brave enough to pursue her impulses. But in any case, in that moment of finding Bella covered in blood stumbling through the doorway, ghostly pale, she did not think her daughter was already dead. 

‘Thank God you’re alive,’ she exclaimed instead, pulling Bella into her arms, hardly noticing the red crystallizing blood that matched the colour of the forever young girl’s eyes. Said eyes widened, her inflamed senses taken over with an intensity that should not be found in this warm homecoming. The thirst had returned and the venom slipped easily into her mouth in preparation. She had not fought it yet, her desires had been too powerful, but this was her mother and love was more important than this inhuman compulsion that was tearing through her hollow bones. 

Before Renee could pull away and admire her daughter through tears, lamenting about Phill’s frantic late-night search, Bella had already broken free and dashed for the room she would never sleep in again. Renee was startled by the swift grace in which her daughter moved, calling up after her but receiving no answer. Bella’s muscles were tight and the sweet scent of the human blood on her clothes and the lingering whiff of her past self thickened in her throat. She turned off her breathing, closed her eyes, and struggled to cry. 

She knew she had to leave. As the light blazed unencumbered through her bedroom window she could see the shimmer on the surface of her perfect skin. And in the mirror after a shower, lustfully watching the blood swirl down the drain, she stared with awe at the eerily symmetrical face; as smooth, cold, and hard as a pearl. 

She had never focused much attention on her appearances. Her mother had a habit of commenting about how her nickname suited her, but Bella only became uncomfortable at the complement. She didn't want the attention. But there was no denying it now. She had turned into a new version of herself and although not one thing was different, there was now a refinement that encapsulated it all. She studied herself with interest. Why didn’t she feel shocked at the ripe, blazing hue of her eyes, or that she could no longer feel her own heartbeat ricocheting as it had done for seventeen years? Who had done this to her and why? She partially remembered a man’s looming figure but nothing else besides the searing pain. She pulled down the collar of her shirt where the last remnants of pain circulate. Where the horrible wound should be was a gruesome bite mark that was already healing. She flinched away from her reflection and pulled the shirt tightly to her neck, pressing her hand over her absent heart and squeezing her eyes shut in anticipation of waking up from the nightmare.

She didn't sleep that night. And she didn't eat the next day. Renee grew worried until she suggested a change of scenery. Bella hadn’t been to Washington in years and Charlie was too kindhearted and mild-mannered to inflict her with any further harm. Forks had long forgotten the chief's daughter, she could have a fresh start and recover away from whatever had happened in Phoenix. Because something was wrong with her daughter, something happened, and something must be done. All Renee knew is that she couldn't be the one to fix whatever has happened. She meant well. That must count for something.


	2. CHAPTER ONE - RAIN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forks is a quiet town drenched in rain, but it's often the inconspicuous that is most dangerous.

My father picks me up from the airport in his old police cruiser. I swear it is the same one he had the last time I saw him all those years ago, back when life still had a mysticism to it. He comments on the length of my hair but I’m too focused on avoiding my sanguineous craving to give him much of an answer. But Charlie is unconcerned and hardly notices how my eyes, now faded to a dark maroon, dart quickly but my breathing is nonexistent. The police car is embedded with blood, sweat, and tears, but it’s still better than what I had to endure on the plane from Phoenix to here. I felt like I was burning in hell, trapped in a smoky room, forbidden too to have the one single thing I so desperately needed. It was a feeling that no longer ended. The pulses that surged together to create an endless torment still echo. My hands gripped so tightly to armrests they still have indents on the palms and the venom had dripped down my chin like drool until I had to go to the bathroom to stuff tissues into my mouth to absorb it all. I spent one half of the journey planning how I could kill as many passengers as I could and still get away, and the other half endlessly listing all the states and their capitals until my bloodless brain was numb. 

The plus side is I don’t sparkle here, the clouds are too thick and the rain is always on the verge. Hopefully, he won’t freak out too much when he notices. I still don’t have an explanation. But my mom definitely noticed and she is not up to challenge actually solving whatever supernatural problem is wrong with me. But Charlie is too lax to care much, or even notice that his daughter sparkles in the sunlight and never eats. I just hope that I don't kill one of my classmates. It won’t be a good look for the chief’s daughter to be arrested for murder, never mind on her first day here.

The town sign flashes past but I still see it as clear as a hawk.  _ THE CITY OF FORKS WELCOMES YOU. _ I can’t help but wonder if that's still true. 

The house looks the same. Full of fishing memorabilia, breakfast dishes still in the sink. I allow myself a deep breath. It's exposure therapy - if I give myself a regulated dose I can prepare myself for whatever salivation I will experience in the huge buffet at high school tomorrow. I’ve survived on small animals so far, but the desire for human blood, no matter how immoral, still calls to me. Even ripping open the artery of another living thing is still daunting in its sinful gratification. That first taste of blood still lingers in my subconscious, taunting me. 

‘Purples… cool,’ I tell him, I don’t have the heart to explain that I won't be using the bed as anything more than a glorified couch. Charlie will have to find out soon enough, but just not yet. I need an explanation first. He isn't very good at confrontations either so I’m safe as long as he doesn’t catch me doing anything decidedly inhuman. 

I have always been called relentlessly curious, even to the point of self-destruction, which goes hand in hand with my never-ending clumsiness. I would read books through the night all the way to morning and chase after squirrels deep into the pine forests until I was decidedly lost. This is no exception. I have no sense of self-preservation, and I have had a week’s worth of sleepless nights to come to that conclusion. But before I can continue my midnight vigil, I have to get through the rest of the meagrely sunlit day. 

It takes me no more than a second to spring to the window when I hear the rumble of the incoming vehicle approach the house and let the engine idle before stopping with a squeaky honk. Charlie is already outside, greeting a man whose name escapes me, their voices sound like they are talking directly into my ear as I weave my way through the house and out the front door. His son introduces himself. He smells different, like a wet dog sitting by the fire. It isn’t altogether off-putting but it does briefly unnerve me, but the discomfort builds gradually. I’ve begun to master double tasking with my newfound powers, so while we exchange brief quips about our fathers I search for any abnormality with my refined senses. His heart is beating, albeit faster than normal, same with his breathing. The blood pumps in his veins from his fingers down to his toes where I can still hear it throbbing, but it's exponentially warmer than usual. I can’t pinpoint the craving exactly but it's different than with other humans. For the first time, I don't necessarily want to drink his blood after I spill it. It's a brief and twisted hiatus from bloodthirst. Something about his presence makes my hair stand on end as if there is some sort of danger in the sweet smile of this fifteen-year-old boy. 

‘No way. This truck is for me?’ I ask once Charlie pats the hood and they all look at me expectantly. 

‘I just bought it off Billy here.’

‘I rebuilt the engine,’ Jacob says sheepishly.

‘It's perfect.’

It's the first time I've smiled since what happened back in Phoenix. I didn't think I could anymore. I thought my skin was too glacial to contort like this. 

Jake hops in with me and explains what he’s done to improve it. The smell intensifies in the close quarters and I leave my door open in hopes it diffuses. But then he leans over to tell me to double pump the clutch. I try to hide my discomfort with a smile as I ask him if he needs a ride to school, silently hoping that he won’t. I don't think I can take the discomfort much longer. The animal muskiness is still caught in my nose despite not inhaling past that first breath. 

‘I go to school on the reservation.’

‘Oh, of course,’ I reply to mask my relief. 

When I finally hear the rustle of bedsheets mellow and the beginning of snores after a long day of avoiding revealing my condition, I let my curiosity seize all my concentration. It starts with the symptoms: lack of heartbeat, or need to eat or sleep or breath. Acute senses; cold, pale skin that shimmers in the sunlight. Impossible beauty, impossible speed, inhuman reflexes. Thirst for blood. Hundreds of results pop up and my hands tremble in a way I thought they couldn't anymore.  _ Poor circulation, Anorexia, Cold Ones, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, Hypovolemic Shock, Vampires, Insomnia, Renfield Syndrome.  _

The truth is disturbing but not entirely frightening. Perhaps there are others. Perhaps there is more to vampirism than Count Dracula or the folklore of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Perhaps I can retain a small enough sliver of humanity to remain sane. And by the time I can spot the beginning of the sliver of the sun above the horizon and the birds of Forks have been filling my ears with endless songs, I have over fifty tabs open and an expansive list of books to acquire. I never used to be this focused. It reminds me of my brief experience with hunting. Once I found my target it was as if all other distractions evaporated. 

I leave a note for Charlie before departing just after dawn to satisfy my hunger before my first day of school. The relentlessly empathetic human part of me that still has its clutches around my throat warns me of the monstrous nature of my actions. But the new side - the monstrous side, the devil on my shoulder with unnatural desires - fights it off. If I was still who I used to be, if I was still human, I would be disgusted with myself. Perhaps I have accepted what I have become too quickly, but there is nothing I can do. I woke up without any of the things I once had and every minute since I've been simply surviving. So after draining a fox and the rabbit it was chasing and rinsing the blood off my hands in the river, I sprint through the forest to my beloved truck and make my way to Forks High with a clear head and golden eyes. 

The rain cloaks the town, the clouds floating low overhead. The predator inside me beams at the cover it provides. It reminds me of the moors of Wuthering Heights and the ominous pathetic fallacy it brings. The smell of rain stings, partially blocking the sweetness that emanates from the hundreds of bodies around me. My throat still burns as if I have inhaled a bonfire’s work of smoke.

I have never been one for sports. As I told Eric earlier, I'm more the suffer in silence type. My mother calls me an old soul and it's an apt description. I'd much rather get lost in a novel than be stuck in this high school gym as years of sweat mix together with mouthwatering density. But as the volleyball sails towards me, I spike it automatically and it lands hard enough for the skin to split open like an orange. The energetic team captain turns to stare at me in awe, becoming silent for the first time in an hour, as does the entirety of the gym. The eyes of a blond boy across the room meet mine and he barely has time to close his gaping mouth before the bell rings. 

My hair slips out from behind my ears and I attempt a silent getaway. It's of no use. The boy, who I would never talk to unless he spoke to me first, trails after me and I can hear his pulse speed as he nears. I bite into the inside of my lip but the lack of pain only spurs on my frustration. He is building up the nerve to speak to me, but Jessica - as she introduces herself - beats him to it. 

‘You've got a great spike,’ she says, bewildered. She eyes the boy with something not too far from jealousy. Their heartbeats sync with increasing ferocity. The scents of a thousand high school students swim in the air around me, whispering my name seductively. My nails dig into my palm but the flesh does not yield. 

‘Isabella, right?’ he asks when he finally speaks, his sneakers continuing to squeak on the waxy floor as he catches up on my other side. 

‘Just Bella,’ I say quickly so that I don't need to take another breath. 

‘I’m Mike. Newton.’

As we walk down the hallway I can't help but hear every conversation clearly and I catch the gossip about me, how this boy was drooling over me in PE and how all the girls want to know what foundation I use. One girl has started a rumour that I've had botox or something, but one line in particular yanks my attention as Jessica makes a comment about my lack of tan. 

_ ‘She looks like a Cullen.’ _

‘That's why they kicked me out,' I say dryly in reply to what Jessica said. Mike laughs out of compulsion, Jessica laughs because he does. The joke hits a little too close to home. 

Once I hear ‘Cullen’ the sound of it follows me throughout the school. However, after I hear Jessica professing her love to ‘Edward Cullen’ to Angela as they direct me to their table, I realize that it is not a thing but a person.

They walk in and Edward Cullen is staring at me. He is not as inconspicuous as he thinks he is. Maybe he is so used to humans' lack of awareness that he has forgotten that my senses are as fine-tuned as his are. It's the only reason I can think for him gazing at me unapologetically for so long like I am a puzzle he is struggling to solve. To be fair, I'm as interested in him as he is in me. From the first time I saw him, I knew we were one and the same. No human sounds echo from his chest, no delicious odour wafts from his glands. And I felt a sharp tug as soon as he walked into the cafeteria. It is a complete collapse inside of me. It is not the hunger that still sucks in my bones as I direct my attention away from the sweet never-ending symphony. What this heated gaze creates is entirely different yet just as enthralling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Edward is confronted by Bella and what her (literally) thoughtless presence means.


	3. CHAPTER TWO - SILENCE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two vampires meet. Edward flees, Bella stays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos so far. 
> 
> In the process of writing this chapter, I realised how much better I am at writing as Edward. Something about the melodrama just comes so much easier. Take from that what you will.

She is a black hole. She is the absence of everything. She is no longer human. She is entirely too perfect. Bella Swan is why I have endured almost a century of solitude because, in the end, it all led to her. While an entire cafeteria hums with insignificant desperation and inconsequential drama, I stare at her and absorb the crisp clarity. Her scent, which would be overpoweringly succulent when mixed with blood, is instead warm and sweet and inviting. She is a singer but compelled by a different desire. 

Alice had a vision of this last night, about no matter what happens we would still have forever. I am abuzz with nervousness. Alice may not have spoken it aloud, but the arrival of Bella means much more than meeting me. Somehow, this perfect creature will be followed by chaos. Alice didn't have a clear picture of what this chaos would be, so neither do I. 

Our eyes meet, her’s too pink to be golden. Where did she come from? The only other vegetarians I know of are our cousins in Alaska. And from what I can ascertain she only turned to this diet recently. Far too recently for her to be so casually befriending humans like this. Jasper still struggles and it's been decades. 

Jasper can tell. He absorbs my newfound desire and reflects it back out. Emmett seizes Rosalie and kisses her sincerely on the lips. I look away, only to see Alice raise an eyebrow under the eccentric hairstyle she has chosen for this temporary life.  _ I can't see her choices. Can you hear her thoughts?  _ I shake my head before sneaking one last glance. Bella snaps her head back quickly. So fast the humans barely notice she was ever distracted. 

_ She must be a shield.  _ Alice suggests in her thoughts.  _ Jasper won't be able to get through either.  _ And sure enough, when I search his mind he is struggling to perceive her feelings. She is a void. But that only makes her an enigma I am determined to crack. 

_ You will meet her in biology, next period.  _ Alice supplies.  _ Try to be nice. _

I don't give her the satisfaction of a glare. 

Over at the table Bella sits at, the humans are giving a horribly inaccurate depiction of my family, complete with gushings over our good looks and the pitiful fact of me never showing interest in Jessica or any other girl in the school. How little they know. They are corrupting her, filling her up with lies. 

I stare down at the handful of carrots Esme forced into my bag this morning as my siblings continue on easily. Lunch always drags on longer than is necessary. How long does it actually take to buy and half eat a piece of soggy pizza? Surely not a whole half an hour. For our next posting, I'm requesting that we just skip high school altogether and pretend that half us are siblings and the other half married in, that way we can all have the same last name. Besides, Carlisle is only biologically five years older than me and I’m the youngest, it's less of a reach than him adopting us. Rosalie would be on my side for once, she’s hated high school since the mid-fifties when Jasper and Alice joined and it became a spectacle. Perhaps she could work at a nursery and finally care for the child she never had.

I have never felt such apprehension and glee to be attending biology. I arrive surprisingly early and sit at my normal desk. I will behave as if I don't have prior knowledge of our relationship lasting forever or that this meeting will be the first of an entire endless lifetime. I don't want to overwhelm her. But then she walks in and the perfectly placed fan blows her mesmerising scent my way and I drown in it. I force myself to turn away, to not bask in the celestial beauty that is Bella Swan. For the first time in all my years of hunger and noise, this one girl has offered me sanctuary. 

She sits next to me shyly and I peer at her with unbridled admiration. She is a vampire just like me. A miracle damned to hell. But I can sense she is lost, nomadic, or perhaps newborn. But what puzzles me most is why Forks? Most North American vampires know of the conflict with the wolves here. They know to stay away. I can only hope that she has enough knowledge to prevent a war.

‘Today we'll be observing the behaviour of planaria, a.k.a flatworms,’ Mr Molina announces with misplaced enthusiasm. Bella is occupied with pulling out her various pencils and notebooks and so I keep my eyes trained to the top of the table. 

‘We're going to cut them in half, then watch them regenerate into two separate worms,’ Mr Molina continues as he distributes the petri dishes and I shove one towards Bella with a newly discovered timidity. She ducks her head but I still feel her gaze through the semi-opaque sheet of hair she hasn't yet brushed behind her ear. **‘** Yes, folks, zombie worms! They just won't die.’

What is this feeling that echoes in my static heart? Could a cold, dead heart beat once more? It gnaws in my chest, this burning, the glowing heat. So close to thirst I entertain fantasies of latching onto the curve of her throat and drawing out the honey-sweet liquid. But there is none. She is already one of us. 

For that entire hour, we sit, together but expansively apart. Somehow, despite my own thoughts of eagerness, I could not transfer them into worlds. And as I focused on Bella through the edge of my vision, her expressions stirred with wavering suspicion. I am worried, and so confounded with joy that my brain no longer functions with the rapidness I have grown used to. She has made me as close to human as I have been for eighty years. 

There are words I know I must say, and some that I should, but the only ones that form on my tongue are silent. And so she leaves and I hardly know her more for it. But just being near her was enough. Alice has promised me forever and so I shall simply be patient. I continue with my day, seeking out any excuse to stare into the whirlpool of silence. I can feel her absence, sense her blankness amongst endless overthinking. 

‘You hardly know her,’ Emmett warns. ‘Alice can only see so much.’

When he wishes to be, Emmett has a way of saying exactly what is needed. Sometimes it is accidental, often it is blunter than need be, but it is always true. An hour of silence is not the same as an eternal lifetime. Alice can’t see her choices, I can't read her thoughts, Jasper can’t sense her feelings. She is the first person that evades knowledge. I am forced to learn about her naturally. And so far I have failed. 

When I leave I can hear Esme ask Alice what is going on. I know that they are thinking even when I stray outside the bounds of my abilities. And maybe I am being overdramatic as Jasper and Rosalie are always telling me I am. Perhaps she deserves better than a man who would rather run far away than confront the fact that all he had been begging for had finally arrived. But that was the problem, I had been waiting for so long and yet I was not prepared. I had gone so long without receiving my heart’s desire that I had begun to accept that I would be caught in the crossroads of loneliness and solitude forevermore. I have my family, but they have each other. For once I would like something untouched, something new, something different from the last hundred years. 

But for now, I am gone. Denali nears. The cold breaths feel sharp and clear in my lungs. I was drowsy with the scent of her but now my airway is cleared and it contains only a tingle of regret. The ice and snow are as welcoming as Esme's sincerest embraces. But I cannot remain here for long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Bella tries to remain as human as she can, but it proves hard to hide the truth.


	4. CHAPTER THREE - NORMALCY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forks is normal. Bella is anything but, and she learns that the hard way.

I think I might have scared Edward Cullen enough to make him completely leave Forks. I don’t know how, or why, but no one has seen him in days. Maybe I am being completely egotistical. He could be skipping school for a variety of reasons, not one because of me. And besides, Angela did say that the Cullens have a record of skipping and tend to isolate themselves from the town. Maybe I’m overthinking. 

But then I remember the body language during our biology class together. The way he inched his body away from mine until he was hanging off the edge of his chair but how he never let his attention drift from me for more than a minute. And if he and his family have the same _curse_ as me, there could be a reason why he would have to leave after my arrival. Is there a limit to non-humans in any given area? Is there some higher authority he has to report me too? Is he scared of me? Or disgusted? The way he was shrinking away reminded me of someone avoiding a foul smell. Either way, I was dreading seeing him at lunch the next day. But then, surprisingly, he wasn’t there.

The Cullens continue to exist in my periphery. I have no classes with the rest of them, I ignore the constant reality that I am a completely different species than everyone else, as if moving to a new school is not hard enough, and I manage to stay as much under the radar as I can considering. Life revolves around school, cooking and then avoiding eating dinner, homework, and hunting. But I’m restless. I don’t know how the Cullens do it. They are all top of their classes so either genius is a side-effect of vampirism or they have gone through high school more times than the normal teenager. And as I ponder how old they all must be, surely not seventeen and eighteen as they state, I fall backwards into the pit of sorrow. If they are forever seventeen, then so am I. I have had my last birthday and now I am frozen in time. Nausea comes quicker than expected and if I could still produce tears my cheeks would be soaked. It feels like when I tried to swallow the bite of pizza my mom had forced upon me. It felt like a rock was stuck in my stomach and I had to gag it up like a hairball. Not even water stays down anymore. 

Tonight I sink under the covers and close my eyes, trying to block out the acute awareness of my surroundings. I can’t sleep but it provides me comfort nonetheless. It reminds me of what I once was. Behind my lids, the blackness is swarmed with relentless images. The muffled figure of my creator shrinks from focus but is an ever-present shadow in the corner of my vision. I must have fallen unconscious from the pain because I can’t remember anything until I arrived at my front stoop wearing a puddle of blood. Was it all mine? That, I can’t remember. 

‘I can't believe he didn't speak to you for the entire hour,’ Jessica declares the next day with misplaced enthusiasm and infuriating. ‘He may be the hottest boy in school but you're the prettiest girl. It's downright rude.’ Mike chuckles at my bashfulness - attempting but failing at pretending that his laughter unintentionally moves him closer to me - but immediately quits when I meet his gaze. ‘That's it,’ Jessica continues with determination, ‘I won't ever speak to him again.’

‘You never speak to him anyway,’ Angela reminds her friend as she ducks back into her book. 

‘Whatever, he doesn't deserve any of us,’ Jessica dismisses while the boys stop their semi-ironic show of jealousy. It seems to be common knowledge that most of the girls that go to Forks high have had a crush on Edward at some point. It's almost pathetic to think that I could be any different. Some part of me immediately latched onto him and I am struggling to free myself his grasp. He may have said nothing, but somehow the mystery was more inviting than any normal introduction. 

Jessica tilts her head up with contempt and suppresses a twisted smile when the Cullens grace the cafeteria with their presence. In the background, as clear as if they were sitting next to me, I overhear Emmett talking - and failing to hide his humour - about where Edward has run off to.

‘I bet Tanya will be glad to see him.’

‘She is also the reason he will only be staying in Denali for a few days. From what I can see, he has decided to return to Forks soon.’

‘Returning home the prodigal son. A look only Edward could pull off,’ Rosalie grumbles. ‘I can’t believe Carlisle really thought he would be my mate.’

‘Rose, you know why. You're just as showy as he is.’ Rosalie turns to her boyfriend like she wants to rip off his head. ‘But I love you.’

Rosalie's anger seems to slip away and her frown is overtaken by an evasive smile. Next to her, Alice leans over and rests against Jasper’s chest as his arm leans over the back of her chair. 

I sharply turn back around when his eyes meet mine with a look like he could see straight to my soul. 

‘I bet he’s in California banging some model or something,’ Tyler says through an awkward laugh. He looks at me with an eyebrow raised, seeking approval. 

A warm feeling settles in my chest and even if my friends weren't talking about Edward Cullen I still wouldn't be able to shake the thoughts of him from my head.

‘He’s underage you moron,’ Jessica replies with disgust. 

What is this feeling that overtakes me? Jasper seems to create it, yet all I experience is a vision of Edward’s beautiful bronze hair and an overwhelming tug in my gut. But this hunger is not a desire for affection. It is a burning on the back of my throat, a silent rumble of starvation. I need blood. It quivers through me and the venom follows in anticipation. I nearly fall out of my chair trying to stand up. My inhuman gracefulness is failing. Alice Cullen looks up with fear but I turn quickly and race towards the bathrooms. I can hear Jessica calling my name and Mike nudging Eric to joke about that time of the month. The linoleum all looks the same but I focus on it, each speckled square leading me closer to somewhere I can lock myself away. 

I am going to kill someone, but all I can think about is how good they will taste. Sugary and thick slipping down my throat. The tang of iron that remains on the palate the longest, seeping in my tongue. The aftertaste of flesh, the bite of salt. The bitter venom that clogs my gums like saliva and the sting it comes with. But none of it is unpleasant. It means a meal. It means satisfaction. And that is exactly what my soul is screaming for. 

I finally reach the door and practically push two freshmen out before barricading the door and hiding in the farthest stall. The hyperventilating turns into violent swells of my chest. But it only worsens as each new smell of blood is inhaled. I clamp my hands over my mouth and nose and shake with such vigour that the stall partitions shake. I can hear Alice join Jessica and Angela outside the door and I plug my ears shut but it does nothing. 

Water. Water will clog my senses. I rush to the sink, almost breaking the stall door and the edge of the counter in my attempt to arrive there in less than a second. The tap water is warm and I stick my head under it, gulping as much as I can. It soothes slightly but the burn and the overcrowded thoughts remain. The water also has the effect of inducing vomiting. So when Alice finally gets the door open by slamming it hard enough to break the lock and Jessica rushes in, I am already puking my guts out. 

I return home in a ferocious panic to find Charlie on the couch. He is just getting up when I drop my bag off with our coats. I head towards the kitchen to grab his beer before he does. I turn around to hand it to him just as he is stepping through the doorway, plastering on a neutral expression. His eyes raise but he accepts it. 

‘Bells?’ he says, focusing intently on the corner of my mouth. He takes a step forward. ‘You have something - something right there.’

He motions and I mirror it while turning away towards the sink and bring a finger up to just left of my mouth to wipe away whatever could be there. It comes away red. Cougar blood; from the one I attacked in desperation on the way home completely unprepared and was almost mauled by. I suck the finger clean, sliding my tongue round to savour the rest. It rekindles my need for sustenance even if my veins are warm and full. It sends a quiet hum through my brain which feels like when I had a glass of champagne with my mom at New Years. But this time, it doesn't make me clouded but rather sharper than ever. 

‘Jam,’ is my attempt at an explanation. His dubiousness fades slightly. ‘Strawberry jam. Jessica gave me the remainder of her sandwich after Trig because I was still hungry from PE.’

I raise my eyes to look at him finally and he takes a generous sip of his Rainer. 

‘That's nice of her. It's good you’ve gotten close friends so quickly, your mom was worried.’

‘Yeah.’ I return my gaze to the floor then brace against the counter and look back up. ‘Hey, um, what do you want for dinner?’ 

‘Whatever you’re willing to make, Bells, I’m not picky.’

With that, he makes his way back to the sofa and returns his feet to the coffee table. I let the tension release from my muscles and take a deep breath hoping that despite not needing the oxygen anymore it will still steady my nerves. In a way it does, returning me to a balance of awareness. Without my ability to smell I feel vulnerable. But the thirst has not yet dissipated. 

I pretend that my life is how it should be: normal, in order to dispel any lingering trauma after almost massacring an entire cafeteria. I reply to mom’s frantic emails and pick back up Wuthering Heights at the halfway mark where I left it last night, letting myself get lost in the moors. The rain still beats down on the roof tiles and my hair is soaked from my hunting excursion and it smells fresh and earthy.

Whenever I think of my mother I don’t see the huge smile she had when she came home with a spontaneous tattoo or the anger that melts much too quickly into forgiveness. All I can see now is how terrified she was when I returned home. The ragged pleas that sounded like she was screaming them through a megaphone straight into my ear. And finally, that last look of worry before I went through security at the airport, her hands pressed together in prayer against her lips. On the other hand, with my dad, everything is a blank slate. 

And so the days continue. The nights are empty. Something about spending all my time awake has begun to turn me insane. School has a numbness to it. The classes are easy, the students are normal in a way only teenagers can be. Becoming an immortal vampire has really put things into perspective. I know I should finish high school so that I can attend college and get my dream job, but even after only a week in Forks, I am restless. When mom was trying to convince me to go move in with Charlie I called Forks my own version of hell, but now I think it would have to be the equivalent to purgatory: endless, torturous, nothingness. 

‘Don't forget your coat,’ Charlie calls as I swing my book-laden backpack on before reaching for the doorknob. The blustering air outside is far too cold for humans to be stepping out in only this tank top and oversized flannel. It is the middle of January and I am far away from Arizona where I had boarded the plane in a white eyelet blouse. I press my lips together and shove my second-hand parka under one arm before exiting out into another dreary day. Charlie follows me outside with a grin that fights to broaden and his hands shoved into his front pockets sheepishly.

‘Dad, I can drive myself to school.’

The foolish smile reaches his eyes and he nods his head towards my truck. But a rustle in the bushes catches my attention and I whip my head around to catch it. There is only silence. Charlie motions me forward and I stumble easily over the ice. 

‘Dad, what is it?’ 

He ignores my bored tone. ‘I got you new tires. The others were almost bald.’

So that's why he exudes a contained giddiness. He has a surprise for me. 

‘You got me new tires. No one's ever done that before,’ I murmur before realizing how weird that sounds. ‘I mean… nothing.’

‘I'll be late for dinner. I'm heading down to Mason County. A security guard at the Grisham Mill got killed by some kind of animal.’

A bird erupts out of a nearby bush. Once again, my immediate reaction is to turn around with surprise. It feels like an overreaction. 

‘An animal?’

‘You're not in Phoenix anymore, honey. They've been hunting it for a week with no luck. Thought I'd lend a hand.’ He opens up the door to his cruiser but pauses with a contemplative look. ‘Wasn't there a series of similar attacks in Phoenix before you left?’

‘I don’t know, maybe,’ I reply with a shrug. ‘Be careful’

‘Always am.’ 

‘And thank you. For the tires.’

If he notices the emotion behind my eyes he doesn't say anything. He only ducks into his car and peels away. I glance at the tires and feel love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Introductions. Finally.


	5. CHAPTER FOUR - LAB PARTNERS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the rest of the Cullens' interest in Bella Swan grows, Edward is the first to truly meet her.

‘It’s okay to admit that you are scared,’ Esme says with sympathy. She is sitting next to me on the couch attempting to convince me that I have some secret truth buried inside me and that she wasn’t going frantic with worry while I was gone. The one thing that is true in all this muddle is that I am incredibly guilty that I made her upset. No mother deserves that.

‘I’m not scared,’ I grit, shrinking further into the furniture. 

‘Edward-’ I stand up abruptly. She sets her clasped hands firmly on her lap, telling me without words that she is not angry, just disappointed.

_I just want you to be happy. If she is your mate-_

_‘_ She’s not. She won’t be here long enough.’

 _We both know that's not true. Sheltering her will only make things worse,_ comes the echo of Alice's thoughts. My most pressing wish is that none of us had powers. I would be free from the endless torment of being burdened with everyone's deepest secrets and Alice would not have to be right all the time. I can sense her going back over the threads of the future and the one that leads away from Bella is held taught by a single thread. 

‘It's not that bad,’ Emmett says as he claps my shoulder with aggressive strength. ‘Just be glad she has no thoughts.’

‘She has thoughts, I just can’t read them.’

I’m bitter now and Rosalie is elated at my misery. _Sucks to be you, doesn't it?_ The sarcasm is just as potent as if she were saying it aloud. I sneer. Jasper smirks. 

‘You can't keep ignoring her, hoping she will go away,’ Rosalie says with unbecoming sincerity. ‘If she is a newborn, she can’t continue to run around loose. She could threaten our lives here and provoke the Volturi.’

‘She is correct, Edward,’ Carlisle smoothly adds, coming into the room just to be the final straw in the overburdening press of my family's opinions. ‘Holding back the rightful truth from her will serve no purpose, even if it stems from a sense of protection. And getting to know her is simple enough. The rest of us do not have your advantage but have acquainted ourselves normally. She will be a great asset to this coven, even if you dislike her.’

‘Dislike her? As if,’ Alice exclaims and continues to retain her teasing grin even after all the focus centres on her. ‘What? We all know that mopey over here is Bella’s mate. This isn’t new information, I told you all last week.’

‘Alice,’ Carlisle reminds her with a measure of trimness. 

‘Fine, I’m sorry Edward. But do at least be open to the idea that pushing her away isn’t the best option. In fact, from what I can see, it is the worst.’

It is Esme’s turn to scold. ‘Alice!’ 

My return to Forks rumbles like thunder through the town so that before I even step through the school halls there are already fifteen rumours concocted about where I’ve been. They circulate endlessly, and once again I am praying for biology like I never thought I could. I had thought about rushing to the guidance counsellor after last class and begging her to allow me to change classes to anything, absolutely anything. Yet, knowing that that singular hour was the only time I would see her without spinning up some other excuse, I only gave a smile and ignored her lewd thoughts. 

Carlisle made me promise that I would be the polite young man he raised me to be. I promised without hesitation. He is more than just my creator, he is my second father even though I hardly remember my first. Everything I know I learned from him. I will never let him down.

And Bella is in the parking lot leaning against her truck as Jessica and her group try to get her to participate in their macabre snowball fight. There is determination behind her eyes and when she catches sight of me she forms a glare that relaxes into a fluster of hurt. But she doesn't look particularly scary when she is hiding from the snow behind her blue binder. 

The beginning is the same. The teacher is blathering, Bella walks in with her friends chattering around her, she sits down with modist defiance and pulls out her various stationery. But this time I introduce myself and wait expectantly for her reply. Far across the school, I hear Jasper questioning Alice about the various possibilities. She remains smugly secretive but I can see it all for myself. _If he speaks to her, everything will be perfect. Afternoons spent in the effervescent sunshine of the meadow he still thinks is secret. Stares in the parking lot as his arm rests protectively on her shoulder and her book bag draped from the other._ I am so caught up in the future that I almost don’t respond to the Bella of the present. 

‘How do you know my name?’ She looks surprised by the casual way I rhetorically asked her name. Curt like a gentleman, as Esme says. 

‘Oh, I think everyone does.’

‘No, I meant why did you call me Bella? I’m starting to think that Charlie- my dad calls me Isabella behind my back - that's why everyone seems to know me by that name.’

I nod, too absorbed in the way the slight sun coming in through the window as the snow clouds part sets off a shimmer on her brow bone. Her thoughts are still silent and empty.

The class starts and I do all the motions. I take the slides out and arrange them in order then take the first and slip it under the microscope. ‘Ladies first, partner.’

I put on my most endearing smile and she complies. I try not to let myself get carried away with my own thoughts as I stare past her hunched figure and seek out something of interest in the classroom. The same teenage tragedies exist in every school I've attended. Mike Newton sits behind us pretending that he isn’t jealous. Cathy, who sits behind him, is trying to work up the courage to tell her boyfriend Max that she missed her last period. Then Ben Cheney, in the next room over, is trying to create some sort of excuse to see Angela after school but now that the rain has begun to wash away the snow, the plan of joining her friends’ snow fight after school is out of the window. 

There is a flash of confusion of the part of her face not obscured and I realize that this must be the first time she has used a microscope since being changed. Our inhuman eyesight takes a while to adapt to the lenses. And then, Bella sits up straight quickly and almost knocks herself off her chair with the energy and strength she must not have known she had in her. For the first time in a while, I can admit that Rosalie is right. She is a newborn. 

‘Prophase,’ she declares with certainty. 

‘Do you mind if I look?’ She stares at me blankly but turns the microscope towards me. I reach over and my hand touches hers for a moment that must have only lasted a second but feels like an eternity. Her hand feels completely natural resting under mine. It is cold and hard as ice. She must feel it too because she shifts away but continues to stare at me as I duck down to study the side myself. 

‘Prophase,’ I agree and Bella lets out a smug huff.

We continue like this for the twenty minutes the teacher gave us. We are the first to finish. 

‘So how are you liking the snow?’ I say to be polite and avoid an awkward silence. 

‘It’s wet and cold,’ she says with a shudder. ‘And I’m not a fan of either.’

I hold back a laugh. ‘But it's drier than rain, at least.’

‘Until it melts in your sock,’ she mutters, mostly to herself and the table she is leaning over as she scribbles her notes. I wonder if she would change her mind once she realised how well snow aided our camouflage. It brightens our cheeks and cold alongside poor circulation is an excuse I use often when someone questions my abnormal temperature. Besides, snow days mean a family hunting trip in the mountains, dressed in matching white as the sun reflects in sparkles off our skin and the snow below. 

‘Forks must be a difficult place to live.’

‘You have no idea,’ she says dryly and I am absolutely captivated. Something about her draws me in at every turn. Is this how human’s feel with us? Carlisle has often hypothesized about how almost every defining physical trait of vampires is designed to invite our prey in. Our beauty makes us appealing, hypnotizing even in Rosalie's case. Only last month she got out of an entire week of homework with just a smile and a sentence of flattery to the vice-principal. 

‘Why did you come here, then?’

‘It’s…complicated.’

‘I think I can keep up,’ I reply and with that, I manage to get Bella to tell me a half-truth about why she came to Forks, which judging by the frustrated thoughts of her friends, is not even something they have been able to do. It takes some nudging, but she does finally say:

‘Something bad happened and my mom thought it best that I… that I recover somewhere else. Away from Arizona.’

‘With your dad?’

‘Yeah,’ she says quietly. ‘I haven't been back here since I was fourteen.’

She is starting to turn even paler, something I didn't think possible, so I end my line of questioning. She sighs and turns back to the worksheet and adds the date on top. _1/25/05_.

‘It was partly my choice,’ she admits as she looks up at me again. ‘I knew that my mom didn’t know what to do so I suggested leaving. Charlie might not be the best parent in the world, but…’

‘But what?’

She only shakes her head and I wish that I could read her like I do everyone else. She is hiding something, keeping her hand close to her chest. And even if her face is like a mirror reflecting her thoughts, it is still not enough. 

‘That doesn't seem fair, seeing as you were the one to go through the _bad_ thing.’ 

‘Hasn’t anyone ever told you life isn't fair?’

‘I believe I have heard it somewhere.’

She doesn't laugh. She doesn't even smile. She seems to be lost in thought, replaying some tragedy she can’t put into words. The rest of the lesson carries on with the same bittersweet note. And as soon as I leave, as swiftly and gracefully as I did last time, I can hear Mike Newton helping Bella with her books. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. But Alice said forever and I am holding her to that promise. 

The next day I'm loitering in the parking lot next to my Volvo as the rest of my family’s thoughts are filled with the new girl: Bella Swan. 

_I wonder if Edward can read her thoughts now. Something must have happened that day to make her shield weaken. Perhaps Carlisle will have more answers this evening._ Jasper looks directly at me. _Dammit._

He speaks without me having to so much as raise an eyebrow in his direction. He moves to stand nearer and murmurs in his low southern drawl, ‘I think I got through Bella Swan’s shield.’

‘When?’

‘Couple of days ago. It was at lunch and I was already teasing Emmett with my ability like I sometimes do to distract myself, when our eyes met and she was radiating some sort of longin’. So I focused on her and I must have done something wrong ‘cause the next thing I know Alice gets a vision and Bella runs out of the cafeteria like I did that one time in Denali in ‘99.’

‘You projected your thirst onto her?’

‘I think so. Alice said she didn’t act on it any more than I do, but she was damn near close.’

‘Why is Carlisle waiting to tell me?’

‘Because Alice told him today was really important and that you shouldn’t be-’

‘So you disregard The Oracle?’

He chuckles at the nickname but sobers up when I narrow my eyes. 

‘Look, Edward, just be glad I was the one to tell you. Who knows what will happen tonight when we all discuss it. Just thank me and be prepared to be outvoted.’

It plays in Alice's head a split second before I catch sight of the van losing control and begin to skid on the ice. I whip my head over to see Bella leaning against her truck with Paramore blaring through her headphones. One of her senses warns her, and even though I know she has all the strength and reflexes I have, I can't help but race to her side, overcome with an intense instinct to protect. Her arm is raised but mine is longer and I cradle her in one as the other reaches out. The metal crunches and the tires squeak, but she is safe. 

She stares up at me. It looks to be an expression of ambivalence - caught between gratitude and resentment. 

‘I could have saved myself,’ she says before the swarm descends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> In the aftermath of the van incident, Edward continues to hold back the truth.


	6. CHAPTER FIVE - SAVIOUR COMPLEX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella, seeking the truth, attempts to befriend half the members of the Olympic Coven, with moderate success.

‘The police still have no leads on a supposed animal attack that happened in the outskirts of Phoenix, Arizona last week,’ the news anchor explains with dramatic fluctuations to her voice. ‘Law enforcement is puzzled by the presence of bite marks but no claw marks. And the tests they performed show that there is evidence that there was another victim after human blood was found to be present on the scene that remains unaccounted for. This brutal attack is similar to an increase of animal attacks in the Pacific Northwest despite reports of diminishing populations of both bears and cougars in the Seattle area. Wildlife protection has issued warnings to- ’ 

A nearby nurse passing by mutters about how such a tragedy is not suitable for a hospital and changes the channel to a mildly entertaining cartoon. I close my eyes again, preparing myself for the worry my father will bring with him. I may not be able to sleep, but I still need the stillness that darkness provides. Edward’s face hovering close to mine is still there in my mind even after I shut out the world of the hospital. 

I could hear Edward call out my name before my senses picked up the screeching of useless breaks and propulsion of Tyler’s van as it skidded towards me. Bracing for impact with no thought to run, my arm reached out to stop the vehicle. But instead of the feeling of metal warping under my outstretched hand, an arm encircled my waist and the crunching echoed in my ears. I looked up to see Edward releasing his own arm from bracing against the van. 

‘I could have saved myself,’ is all I managed to say. 

Then came the loudness, the endless overlapping voices. The ringing of phones and questions upon questions. Edward walked away, tending to the sidelines, his own cell pressed to his ear. I could hear the muffled voice of a man’s reply. I stood up, dazed but not from shock. Jessica slipped an arm through mine, imposing herself in the spotlight, but I caught notice of the gesture and slipped away before she could comment on how cold and marble-like I feel. I braced myself as I made my way through the flustered crowd. My tight hold on my thirst was slipping. 

Someone called that an ambulance was on its way to take me to the hospital and I broke my focus on the Cullens to snap around to find who said that. All I was faced with was an endless crowd of worried faces. I wanted to run away. Wanted to use up all my energy, I wanted to run to the east coast and back again. I could do it. But then a dark car pulled up next to the Cullen siblings and a similarly pale doctor still in his white coat stepped out and settled his gaze on me instantly. 

That is how I ended up sitting in Dr Cullen's office at the hospital avoiding being plugged into any machines that would show just how unalive I am. The sounds of Tom and Jerry take over the room, seeping in from the hallway where the TV is stationed near a waiting room. But it's slightly obscured when Dr Cullen and my father enter the room and close the door behind them. 

‘Bells,’ Charlie croaks, standing frozen partway through the room. ‘Are you alright?’

‘I’m okay Dad,’ I say to reassure him. ‘You can calm down.’

‘That Tyler kid is going to lose his license if I have anything to do with it. I almost lost you.’

‘But you didn't.’ I bite at the inside of my cheek and avoid looking at Dr Cullen as my dad scoops me into a bone-breaking hug. Subtly, or at least by human standards, Edward Cullen slips into the room after his father. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought he was Tyler coming to profusely apologise by the daunted look in his features. 

‘You’re cold,’ Charlie mutters.

‘It's just the shock,’ Dr Cullen reassures him. ‘Other than that, she has no visible wounds and no signs of concussion. She is quite a lucky young lady.’

‘It would have been a lot worse if Edward hadn't knocked me out of the way,’ I say with a nod in his direction. Dr Cullen gives Edward a pointed look and he exits through the door with transparent guilt. 

Charlie’s gaze cuts between me and Dr Cullen, completely unaware of Edwards former presence, but the other man only lays his paperwork on his desk before sitting behind it, his arms clasped atop it. 

‘Edward? Your boy?’ Charlie questions, glancing over his shoulder at where I had looked earlier. 

Dr Cullen smiles slightly and meets my eye with directness. ‘I will let him know you are thankful and will have a word with him about any future heroics. He can have quite a saviours complex at times; it will only lead to trouble.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Yes, thank you, Carlisle,’ Charlie echoes although he sounds confused. 

With that, we leave, exiting back out into the bloodsoaked halls of the hospital. I can sense a presence around one of the final corners and I am almost certain it is Edward here to gaslight me into believing whatever absurd story they are spinning to make the incident digestible to humans. I might be forced to go along with it but I’m demanding answers in return.

Just before we turn the corner my father speaks up. ‘I just have to sign some paperwork. You better call your mom.’

‘You told her?! She's probably freaking.’

Charlie gives me a sympathetic smile before continuing straight to the nurse’s desk. I shake my head in exasperation but pull out my cell phone anyway. But, just as expected, I see Edward and his sister Rosalie caught in a hushed quarrel. I can pick up on their words but remain where I am standing. Edward looks almost bored on the surface as Rosalie repeats her anger adamantly. 

‘This isn’t just about you. You have to realize that she poses a danger to not just-’

Dr Cullen comes up behind me and Rosalie immediately stops speaking. She follows after him with cynical duty and leaves behind a bitter trail of contempt. Edward shoves his hands deep into the pocket of his light grey pea coat and briefly acknowledges my presence. 

‘Can I talk to you for a moment?’ I question as I draw close to where he is leaning against one of the walls pensively. 

‘Your father is waiting for you,’ he says without any emotion in his voice. 

‘You and your family - you’re the same as me, aren’t you?’

At this, he finally breaks out of his aloof state and stands up straight. A hint of a smirk builds at the corner of his mouth. He is getting off of my ignorance.

‘Bella, you hit your head, you don’t know what you’re talking about.’ The way he speaks makes it sound like he believes what he is saying just as much as I do. Which is not at all.

‘We both know I didn't hit my head. Because I’m fast enough to have stopped the van myself, to have run out of the way on time. Just like how you got over to me so fast when you were all the way on the other side of the parking lot. That’s why I never see you eat anything and I can't hear your blood pumping unlike the hundreds of other people we are surrounded by.’

‘And what are we then, newborn?’ he taunts. I clench my jaw even tighter as his arrogance grows. ‘Say it. Out loud.’

‘Vampires,’ I say aloud for the first time. There is no turning back now. He only chuckles and releases his hand from his pocket. With one last laugh, he turns to walk back the way I came towards Dr Cullen's office. 

‘Hey!’ I call. He pauses. ‘I have more questions, y’know’

‘Some other time,’ he answers over his shoulder. But he doesn’t anticipate me using my speed to arrive at his side in little more than a second, he briefly glances over at me but continues walking. ‘You’re not going to let this go are you?’

We are heading towards the waiting room where half of our grade will be waiting. I can just begin to see the jealous stares of Mike and Jessica when he pauses slightly. 

‘No,‘ I reply with my arm crossed as he changes direction again to walk me towards the exit where Charlie is waiting with my coat. ‘No. I’m not.’

‘Well, then you should get used to being patient. You are going to have a long time to wait.’

That little piece of dread tugs inside me at the thought of forever. I have never been good at waiting. In fact, I am used to persevering until I get what I want. But now there is this obtuse teenage boy standing in my way. However, maybe the best way would be to infiltrate the Cullens some other way, Dr Cullen was more than welcoming. But Edward is hanging over me, so close I can taste the scent of his venomous musk. His lips are a bloody wound, unstitched and slightly open. A butterfly traps itself in my hollow lungs and for the first time in my life after death I feel somewhat human. I should be terrified, but something about him and his attempts to scare me away with the truth only makes me more curious. I can’t help but stare at him forever. I think I may be dreaming, there is no other sane explanation to the situation I have found myself in. 

‘It's all real?’ I hiss, meeting his amber eyes. ‘How were you going to explain it to me if I was human? Blame the changing eye colour on the harsh fluorescent? The inhuman abilities on an adrenaline rush?’

He gives me a conspiratorial smile. ‘Presumably.’

Most teenage boys would have said it sheepishly as if they were embarrassingly admitting a dark secret. But nothing about Edward is normal. And just as he begins to blink his eyes and corner me against the end of the nurses' desk under a flickering fluorescent, I duck my head and sweep past him to join my father. I don’t look back, but I can hear the sigh behind me and the scruffy sound of him tugging a hand through his hair. 

If he wants to string me along, I will string him right back. 

He stalks to his Volvo in the opposite direction from us, ignoring the glare of his sister. His so-called sister. I have decided that whatever cover story they have concocted is far from the truth, I just don’t know how far. I can hear in the acutely close distance the pleading by Alice to be introduced to me. Edward only glares then slams the car door behind him when he catches me eavesdropping. Alice, her petite frame overcome with frustration, drags Jasper in the other direction towards the dense tree line that will lead into the greater forest that surrounds Forks. What could be read as a disappearing act to makeout away from prying eyes I now know is a chance for them to go hunting. Jasper’s eyes were black as coal at lunch today as he pretended that he would drink the unopened can of coke he bought. I am beginning to feel a camaraderie with this aloof family. And if Edward isn't going to answer me or introduce me to his family then I am forced to take matters into my own hands. 

Charlie drives me home in his police cruiser and says he will give me a lift to school tomorrow because my truck is still parked at school. I keep quiet even though I want to ask why he can’t drop me off at the school so I can drive it home. I have bigger things that I need him to be unaware of, so I respect what he thinks is authority and wait until he settles down in his usual spot on the couch. He prescribes me bedrest. It's almost laughable. 

I catch their scents quickly, ignoring my own hunger as I pass rabbits and squirrels. I am here for bigger game and so are they. Further through the ferns and towering pines I travel until I see the dark spiky waves of Alice's hair from behind a boulder. On the other side - several yards away - is a deer. I can sense every rustle of its fur and every twitch of its nose. The couple still hasn't noticed my presence, they are already locked in on the deer who is lowering its head to eat. They crouch, ready to spring, venom soaking their teeth, and I do the same. They hear the twigs crunch under my feet, and during that split second, I spring. 

The poor deer has no chance.

I manage to pull away after killing it, letting only a pint slip slowly down my throat. Jasper deserves the tang of iron on his tongue more than me. But the blood still drips down my chin and I run my fingers through it, admiring the reflection of sunlight, before bringing it to my mouth. I inhale deeply, relishing in the luxurious heat that now courses through my empty veins. 

They leave a wake of wind behind them as they dart over. Jasper immediately plunges into his meal but Alice runs to me with a joyful smile, stopping just short of tackling me to the ground. 

‘You must be Bella.’ 

I nod. ‘And you’re Alice.’

She is shorter than me. I am not exactly tall, but Alice is exceptionally petite. She is broadly eastern Asian, with high, flat cheekbones and beautiful eyes, hazy with gold. I wonder how Forks isn’t more suspicious of the Cullens seeing as Alice is Asian, Emmett is African American, and Esme is Latina, or so her features - paled by death - suggest. Maybe it only adds to the myth of adoption. There is a faint resemblance between Edward and Carlisle, however. Enough to avoid suspicion. 

‘So he has told you about us?’

Her smile never ends. It's starting to scare me slightly. Maybe her face is broken. 

‘No, I heard about your family from - from some humans.’

I duck my head. It feels weird to belittle them like that but I can't help it. I am no longer one of them. 

‘Oh, well don't believe what they say. They have no idea about us and Carlisle wants to keep it that way.’

The brutal sounds of Jasper sucking the deer carcass dry distracts me but he soon stands up again and wipes his chin. I mirror him, cleaning the sweet liquid from my own face, not wanting a recurrence of the jam incident. 

‘I'm guessing Dr Cullen isn't your real father then?’ I ask and the two of them reunite, their arms reattaching themselves to each other. For a moment my mind flickers to Edward and the ruffles of auburn that seep into his amber eyes. It’s beginning to feel like withdrawal. 

‘No,’ Alice replies with a giggle. ‘He didn't even turn us.’ Her eyes meet Jasper's and she looks up at him. Another question brews but I let the silence prevail instead. 

‘We joined the coven half a century ago,’ he says at last, his southern drawl slipping into his voice. 

‘You should come over to our house sometime. Carlisle will have all the answers,’ she says dazed. ‘I can see it - but only from his side - that it is the clearest path.’ I look expectantly at them but get no answer. She supplies only a cryptic smile. Then, with a wave of her hand, Alice starts skipping before it turns into a full sprint, Jasper keeping pace behind. Soon enough, I am alone in the great never-ending expanse of trees and ferns wondering why I am still left without the truth. For a flickering second, I think to follow them but then I see, about half a mile through the forest, Jasper pining Alice against a tree and I turn away with amusement. So they were running away to makeout. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the lovely support I've received since starting this story. I can't thank you enough. 
> 
> The next few chapters might take me a while to upload because in rereading Twilight again I've realised that there was much more that needed to be written before Bella can officially meet all the Cullens. So the next two chapters will be about Bella becoming closer with Edward and Alice in particular and her learning about being a vampire and the usual high school drama. 
> 
> Feel free to comment anything you want to see featured in this story. Any headcanons or specific moments from either the movie or book and how it might change if Bella was also a vampire.


	7. CHAPTER SIX - ATTRACTION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of conversations as Edward struggles not to become infatuated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologise that it took me this long to post again. But, to make up for the week-long hiatus, this chapter is over 4,000 words, the longest one yet. That is mostly because I wanted to fit in so much of Edward and Bella's teasing conversations that I love so much in the book as well as exploring the plotline of what the heck the Cullens are going to do about Bella.  
> I hope you enjoy!

Alice is planning to ask Bella to sit with us and I haven’t spoken a word to her since she confronted me in the hospital. The way she glares at me shows without needing to hear her thoughts just what she thinks of me. But with Alice, she has the brightest smile. At some point, the two of them decided to befriend each other and almost every day since my sister’s thoughts have been filled with potential after school activities and endless outfits they need to go shop for. I can’t escape being haunted by Bella even at home. When lunch hour arrives, after a long morning, Bella ducks her head while issuing excuses to Alice. She walks over and sits between Eric and Angela who welcome her with generous enthusiasm. 

‘How is your little project, Ali?’ Emmett jokes. Alice purses her lips. 

‘Edward isn't going to agree to your trip to Goat Rocks this weekend if you continue with this,’ comes her reply as she sits down gracefully. I know Alice’s tangled web of the future contains no suggestion of me choosing to not spend the weekend watching Emmett fight bears but I avoid looking at Emmett as I play along; anything to avoid an interrogation over the new girl. Alice is laughing to herself as Emmett widens his eyes, terrified. She is far too good at lying for her own good. Emmett closes his mouth without a second thought and narrows his eyes at Rosalie patting his arm. 

‘What? I’m looking forward to it.’

‘I know you are, babe,’ Rosalie reassures him.

‘As for you, Eddie,’ I groan; Alice talks right over it, ‘behave in Biology today.’

When I first met Alice I had a tendency to ridicule her, not only for how small and juvenile she seemed but also for her outrageous predictions. But then they came true. Over the past decades she has proven herself more than capable of inducing all sorts of chaos in order to prove herself, all while maintaining the fun-loving brightness. I have since learned not to underestimate her. 

She focuses her thoughts with suspicious directness on what she and Jasper will do in his car later and I attempt to block out her thoughts as much as I can. But she slips up slightly from the topic she is desperately trying to avoid.  _ Mike Newton.  _ It is only for an instant, but it is enough. I am silent for the entire rest of the lunch break until I am begrudgingly forced to face next period. 

I sit still and silent in Biology while Bella tries to pretend she isn’t peering over at me from under her curtain of copper tinged brunette hair. We seem to be magnetised. Mike Newton perches on the side of the desk and chats to her in a way she clearly thinks nothing of, but his thoughts tell a wildly different story. 

‘So,’ Mike says, staring at the floor. ‘Jessica asked me to the spring dance.’

I fight not to groan and collapse into a puddle on the floor. Bella plasters on a confusing enthusiasm and answers brightly: ‘That’s great. You’ll have a lot of fun with Jessica.’

‘Well,’ he flounders and I want to push him off the desk, ‘I told her I had to think about it.’

‘Why would you do that?’ she replies, finally sounding frustrated. Similarly agitated, I rest my head on one hand and peek up from behind my arm in committed horror. Why is Bella continuing this discussion? Her selflessness knows no bounds. Mike, on the other hand, is now the colour of a tomato. I focus my angry glare at the trees outside the window whipping in the wind. Mike’s spineless, naive thoughts remain. I almost feel pity before remembering that Bella has more than enough of her own to offer.

‘I was wondering if… well, if you might be planning to ask me?’

At this, I jerk to study Bella’s reaction. For a split second, our gazes meet but she flicks her eyes away. I can tell plainly that she is going to turn him down but Mike's hope continues unbroken. During the awkward silence, I prob at Bella’s thoughts. If what Jasper said is true, her shield is not as impenetrable as I thought. And when I focus, closing my eyes and attempting to tune in like a radio, her empty silence remains. But at the edge, like an aftertaste, is the weak aura of annoyance. Once I begin to sense it, it gets harder to grasp and I open my eyes, startled, at the sound of her voice. 

‘Mike, you should tell her yes.’

It surprises me. For a moment I thought it was her thoughts, not words spoken aloud. But her rosy, youthful lips - most likely by the enginuity of lipstick - move with synchronization to the shapes of vowels and consonants. I sag with a mixture of relief and defeat. For that half a second I thought I had rediscovered her and I almost died for the second time. But the lingering frustration feels like the halo of irritation I lost my grip on. She is not as hidden as I expected.

‘Did you already ask someone?’ His mind is crowded with thoughts of me now and I return to staring out the window with nonchalance. My entire body is tense and ready to spring. I am cursing everything and anything I can name for forcing me to endure this horrible situation; especially Alice for supplying me with the vaguest warning imaginable. But yes, I will behave and not decapitate Newton in the middle of the school day, as much as it pains me to do so. 

‘No,’ she assures him, eyeing me curiously. ‘I’m probably not even going to go.’

At this, I become even more attentive. Every boy in this school would do anything to get the inhumanly gorgeous, mysterious Bella Swan to ask them to the dance. But here she sits on a makeshift throne of humbleness defying all of them. 

‘Why not?’ Mike asks. 

‘I’m going to Seattle that day.’

It sounds like she decided right this minute. I’m fully supportive now. Knowing the one thing no one else can know has made me feel like she is an ally, even if we are hardly even acquaintances. It is at this moment that I decide to talk to her again. The resistance fades. This avoidance didn’t start out purposeful. It began with an inability to look at her face without crumbling. But perhaps, judging by the way she can’t look at me for more than ten seconds at a time without willing her gaze away only for it to inevitably return, she feels the same. 

Mike walks away with his head drooped after Bella tells him to accept Jessica. That was not the response he desired. 

‘You were too nice to him,’ I say and Bella looks up confused. 

‘You are finally talking to me again and it's because you’re jealous?’

‘Not exactly,’ I chuckle. The teacher asks me a question I answer easily. Bella is still stuck in her defensive agitation. 

‘Then what do you want?’ she asks once the chatter of the classroom picks up again. 

‘I’m sorry,’ I say in a fashion as close to blurting as I have ever come. It slips off my tongue without input from the brain. ‘I’m being very rude, I know.’ 

‘I’m not sure what you mean,’ Bella mutters with underlying sarcasm. I know she has thousands of confrontations planned alongside a million questions. 

‘It's better if we're not friends,’ I say and I almost believe it. 

‘Look, Alice told me everything so you don’t need to keep up this weird stunt of keeping in the dark. I don’t need you to protect me from whatever scary secret you are hiding.’

‘Everything?’

‘I think so,’ she counters, losing some of her initial confidence under my withering look. 

‘Think again.’

Maybe I am two separate people. One half of me is struggling to come to terms with how enthralled and hopelessly captivated I am by Bella Swan. The other half wants to push her away at all costs and has decided that a life without her is better than any life I could give her. Because I want her to at least have the years she can salvage; grasping at her last shred of humanity. She deserves to live the next ten years with as much normalcy as possible. And perhaps after then, when her father begins to realize that she still looks fresh-faced and doe-eyed and she is unable to step foot in any of the sunny places he mother lives, she will join a coven that welcomes her with open arms and she will enjoy the satisfaction of tasting human blood without limitations. She will not suffer through never being fulfilled by animal blood. And maybe, in a century or two, we shall meet again. But until then, I am prepared to let her go. She is too young, too new to this life to be pinned down yet. I do not admit to being able to tame her, and I never want to. 

But then I counter.

I tell myself that she is lost. That I am allowing her to endure what I come to recognises as the darkest point in my life. Even vengeance wasn't enough of a reason to slaughter simply for hunger. And her quiet solitude will only provide comfort for so long. There is a reason covens exist, no matter how big or small. There is also a small urge of jealousy that creeps its way into the discussion. What if I lose her for good? What if some other nomad is her mate? What if she is killed by the Volturi before I can seek her out again? What if she doesn't want to be sought? What if she hates me for all eternity because I forced her away?

The biggest problem is that I don't know what she would choose. Her internal world is hidden from me entirely. I cannot even begin to guess what she is thinking, what she would want me to do. The prospect of asking her anything, at least at this moment, is far too daunting to be considered. 

I spend the whole lesson so absorbed in this inner debate that I almost miss Bella leaping from her seat as soon as the bell rings, her stack of binders and notebooks already in hand. She makes it all of two steps before catching her toe on a table leg. But instead of meeting the floor facefirst, her other leg juts out quickly and supports her weight. It all happens in less than a second as she catches the various books and papers before they hit the floor. The other students barely notice, but I do. And she notices me back. She leaves the classroom with a volatile shame that ensnares me in an indescribable emotion that seizes me by my once cold heart and squeezes mercilessly. 

I thought I might be able to escape home without another interaction with Bella or the swarms of desperate pubescent boys, but my hope was of no use. So, out of a spitefulness and a touch of curiosity, I park my car right in her path under the pretence of waiting for my siblings and watch as Tyler comes up to ask what two other boys have already asked. She goes through the same explanation: the trip to Seattle, the inability to dance. I can’t help but laugh aloud in the sanctuary of my vehicle. She catches me, however, and I can hear her scoff. She must know that I can hear their entire conversation even if she doesn’t know I can hear her suitors' thoughts. 

I drive away before she can confront me and with a glance at the rearview mirror, I see Bella with a vice grip on her steering wheel and the intent of revenge glaring in her eyes. Her engine revs tauntingly, sounding as if it’s wheezing. She looks ready to kill. 

I decide to play Esme’s Favorite simply because even if I can’t be happy I hope she can be instead. So I let the notes drift out of the piano until I hear her gaining comfort from the simple melody. Tonight Carlisle will initiate a discussion on allowing Bella Swan into our coven. Alice expects one of two scenarios. Either we all agree to invite her over to our home and ask her plainly, or I go rogue and leave the entire household in a disgruntled fury over my obtuseness. It is not that I don’t wish to include her, or that we should not ask her openly and without reservations, it is that it is far too early. Let this be a decision she has to face after graduating. We can keep tabs on her until then. 

‘We hardly know her,’ Rosalie argues as the room is taken over with the swarm of my family’s thoughts.

‘You mean _you_ hardly know her,’ Alice counters from her place standing beside the couch.  ‘She is really quite nice, it just takes her a while to get over her shyness.’

‘And cynicism,’ I mutter but it’s too no use, I know everyone can hear it as clear as day. 

‘So you did talk to her today?’ Alice asks but it is hardly a question. 

‘You already know I did,’ I reply bluntly. ‘And then she tried to hit the back of my car with that hideous truck of hers.’

‘That’s enough,’ Esme announces calmly before turning to Carlisle now that the room is bathed in silence. 

‘Let us at least introduce ourselves officially and layout our intentions,’ Carlise explains. ‘Alice, you two are becoming close, are you not?’

‘Yes,’ she replies, eyeing me. ‘But Edward is the only one with any classes with her. Biology, right after lunch.’

‘And you spoke to her today, Edward?’

‘We conversed for all of five minutes.’

‘Most of which he insulted her,’ Alice supplies.

I ignore her and appeal to Carlisle, ‘I apologised but I still don’t think she has the highest opinion of me.’

‘Perhaps we should invite her here this weekend?’ Esme suggests and Emmett sits up straight, prepared to defend his hunting trip with me to the bitter ends. 

‘How about early Saturday morning, before the sun rises and Edward and Emmett go East to hunt,’ Rosalie says, acting as spokesperson for her impassioned mate. 

‘Alright,’ Carlisle states cooly, ‘It is probably best that we remain somewhat secretive about this. I am friends with Charlie Swan but I do not wish to trouble him if she hasn’t told him already.’

‘Bella hasn’t told anyone anything,’ Alice adds as if she were a character witness during a murder trial. She has become incredibly protective of Bella lately. ‘And I should be the one to invite her.’

‘I will,’ I state emotionlessly. They all direct their surprised expressions at me. ‘She wants answers and I believe her stubbornness to seek them will only come out if I ask her. She is too shy to accept the invitation unless she has a reason too. And, if what Alice said is right, she might unconsciously trust me.’

‘Because you are her mate?’ Carlisle asks, filling in the blanks. 

‘Exactly.’ 

I’m overcoming my own trepidation, but overcoming Bella’s animosity will be a much bigger challenge. 

The night passes. The morning follows close behind. 

I drive everyone to school as usual. Alice jumps out before I have even come to a complete stop and races to an empty parking space on the other side of the lot. She must have been expecting Bella because in less than a minute her rattling Chevy truck pulls up where Alice is waiting. They discuss something and Bella tucks her hair behind her ear twice without noticing me walking over. Alice rolls her eyes at me while Bella is distracted yanking her bag out of the muddy footwell. 

‘How do you do that?’ she asks with surprised agitation when she turns around to see me leaning beside Alice. My sister, ever the mastermind, pats me on the arm before walking away with a skip in her step towards Rosalie waiting at the main door. 

‘Do what?’ I answer just to see her eyes flare. 

‘Surprise me like this,’ she dismisses, hiking her bag onto one shoulder. ‘Show off.’

‘It's not my fault you’ve been surrounded by humans at all times.’ I reply, trying to keep my voice as level as usual. Just being next to her again has my nerves alight. 

She scowls. I answer back with a look of complete frankness. She doesn’t buy it. But then again, I never expected her to. 

‘Why the traffic jam last night? As if you didn’t eavesdrop on my conversations enough, now you purposely embarrass me for your entertainment.’ I stick to the ironic ignorance and raise an eyebrow subtly. She counters, ‘I heard you laughing in your car yesterday.’

‘That was for Tyler's sake, not mine,’ I say with a chuckle as I sense her fumbling. ‘And I can’t help but listen in. Most of my existence has been spent accidentally eavesdropping.’

She turns and walks towards the school with one hand clenched tightly around the strap of her bag. I follow without a second thought. 

‘Are you trying to irritate me to death?’ she antagonises. ‘Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?’

She seems truly serious now. 

‘Bella, you are utterly absurd.’

She flinches slightly at the hardness of my voice but remains steadfast. The school is nearing as we walk at a frustratingly human speed. She picks up the pace.

‘Wait,’ I say. ‘You can’t even die.’ 

Despite my medicare attempt to lighten the conversation, she only harshens her glare. I apologise but she ignores me. It feels like well-deserved revenge. 

‘Must you remind me?’ she replies finally as we walk through the first set of fire doors and out of the rain.

‘I’m sorry, that was rude. Although it was true. Here, let me take your books. I’ll walk you to class. English, right, with Mr Mason?’

Dubious, she only switches her bag to her other shoulder and says, ‘I'm fine carrying them.’ Then, after a beat, ‘Do you have multiple personality disorder or is inflicting emotional whiplash a part of all vampires’ behaviour?’

‘I thought you didn’t want to be reminded.’ She frowns. 

Exasperated but not unamused, she asks, ‘What do you want?’

‘I was wondering if a week from Saturday - you know the day of the spring-’

I don’t finish my sentence because Bella abruptly interrupts me and stops walking. I am forced to swing back around to hear her rebuke me. 

‘Are you trying to be  _ funny _ ?’

The fire in her eyes makes my grin compulsively broaden. ‘Will you please allow me to finish,’ I reply, full of performative honorability. ‘I heard you were going to Seattle that day and wanted to know if you needed a ride. Or Alice may have already informed you that you're invited to our house if you wish to come and call that weekend.’

She looks mystified and her lips part slightly. ‘Alice didn’t say anything.’

‘You could come this weekend instead if you really are set on going to Seattle,’ I reiterate. 

‘Why?’ 

‘I thought you wanted answers.’

‘I do,’ Bella says quickly. ‘It's just- Honestly Edward, I wasn't expecting… I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.’

The sound of her speaking my name does unspeakable things to my already precarious composure. 

’I’ve since realised what a fool I have been. And I said it was better if we weren't friends, that I don’t want to be,’ I reply with a heavy dash of warning in the pointing of my eyes that only makes her’s soften.

‘I think you were more than a fool,’ she replies. It lacks all the bitterness of the rest of her retorts. 

‘Will you come over then?’

She nods as we resume walking in the direction of her first class. We hardly make it more than a few steps before Bella’s new friends Jessica and Eric cut in front of us. They are going to ask her to join them at La Push this weekend, something that most definitely cannot occur. 

‘Say no,’ I whisper under my breath low enough that only she can hear. 

‘Why-’

‘Hey, Bella!’ Jessica calls enthusiastically before acknowledging me coyly, ‘Edward.’

‘You coming to La Push?’ Eric asks. His features are stained with confusion at my presence. I hover on Bella’s right side awkwardly with my hands shoved in my pockets and my body angled slightly away as if pretending to give them privacy, hoping that she heeds my warning. 

‘The beach Mike was talking about?’

‘La Push baby,’ Eric reiterates as if that's all the information she needs. ‘It’s La Push.’ 

‘I’m sorry. I don't think I can.’

Jessica looks hurt. ‘Oh.’

‘She’s coming with my family on our camping trip this weekend,’ I volunteer as an excuse. 

They both nod, trying not to portray their loss and set off towards the other building. 

‘Is there really a camping trip?’

‘No, but your invitation may extend to a hike if you wish,’ I say as I open the door to the classroom for her. 

‘I’m not really the outdoorsy type,’ she says bashfully as she sets down the books I asked if I could carry. 

‘Right, because you hate rain and cold and anything wet.’

‘Don’t forget snow and hail.’ 

‘Anything else?’ I tease and she rolls her eyes before sitting down. But when she pauses I can tell she is being serious. 

‘Bugs,’ is her earnest reply. It takes all I have to not burst out laughing at the pure sincerity on her face. 

‘I was under the impression bugs exist in Arizona.’

‘They do,’ she answers, narrowing her eyes at my teasing. ‘They are just extra disgusting here.’ 

‘Well, I sincerely apologize on behalf of the Pacific Northwest ecosystem that you are troubled by our insects.’

‘Thank you.’

I leave her sitting in her seat and am almost late to class as I bask in the relieving silence she creates. As much as it confounds me how her thoughts evade me, there is no other person I wish to understand in this elusive game of repartee. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bella thinks she can handle a little blood, even if she already knows her blood type.


	8. CHAPTER SEVEN - BLOOD TYPES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More conversations where Bella struggles with vampirism.

Forks High could not shut up about the spring dance. It was a girls choice dance so the boys were constantly hovering like flies. They acted with me as the girls do with Edward. This stupid vampire dazzle was seriously impeding my ability to blend in. I thought that after the first month my new girl novelty would gradually fade, but if anything it was only increasing, and exponentially. 

Edward seems to find it hilarious. Every time a new guy would come up with some lame excuse to spend even a minute with me, he would wander away with a grin. But his skin would pull tight over his knuckles as he clenched his fist and I could tell that this was simply a front. He has strong feelings about something but so far he has not given me one hint as to what it was. Alice dismissed it as perfectly natural Vampire territorialism but I thought differently. None of the other Cullens seem to exhibit such behaviour around me or each other. Once again I have questions and Edward has the answers. And for once that stupid shiny Volvo owner will tell me the truth. At least he is talking to me now. 

I didn't even consider thinking that he might bear some sort of jealousy. At least not until he invited himself to Seattle earlier. And then when he invited me over to his house. That agonising moment where I thought he was trying to ask me to the dance was worse than all the awkwardness of all the other embarrassing encounters put together. 

This morning my head is trapped in the clouds. Clouds swamped with images of his shiny bronze hair and punchable, kissable, smackable face. He is toying with me, and from what I can tell, enjoying it. So when Alice and I are making our way across the school to the cafeteria, I'm not surprised that Edward makes an appearance. I look at Alice with a tried and true gaze of annoyance only women understand, but she only winks and slightly skips down the hallway to join the rest of the Cullens just like she did in the parking lot this morning. 

‘Why don’t you sit with me today?’ he asks. That smile of his makes me queasy but it doesn't completely wipe away the caution I’m feeling. Across the cafeteria, Jessica leans slightly forward and nudges at Mike. I can practically hear the sound of their lips moving as they discuss the strangeness of the situation. I have to agree. I’m just as surprised as they are. 

‘This is different,’ I acknowledge after he waits, open-faced, for me to speak. 

‘Well,’ he pauses, ‘I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.’

‘And I'm hell in this situation?’

He just ducks his head. I’m not sure if it's to cover a grin or because he is unable to look at me for some reason. Do I have the same effect on him as he does on me? Because sometimes I can't even stand to look at his face it is so perfect. But then he looks up and I'm blinded by the way he gapes at me, awestruck and amused. Then he stares past, over my shoulder, and gives me an odd side-eye. 

‘I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you.’

‘They’ll survive,’ I dismiss although I actually want to make some comment about him stealing me away from Alice. 

Ever since that afternoon in the forest after Edward stupidly ‘saved’ me from Tyler’s van, Alice and I have become as close as sisters. Every day she edges her way further through my protective shell until I can no longer imagine life before she was in it. And alongside the lilting girl talk and the various stories she shares of her family's misadventures, she is also slowly but surely, telling me about vampires. Alice, with very little subtly, explained the strong bonds vampires have with their mates and tips on how to control our thirst. I know about the Volturi and their laws, about covens and her various theories about venom and its significance. But even with this, I still felt that there are things she is holding back. It all seems very factual and unlike what I have come to know about her personality. She keeps abruptly pausing, cutting herself off mid-sentence. And when I push her to say what she stops herself from saying she only changes the subject with a tight-lipped smile, explaining that it is not her place. The weird thing is, Alice is incredibly loose-lipped in all other areas. No rumour is credible unless it passes through her lips and she is always quick to issue opinions. I think she would make a good journalist - or at least a good gossip columnist.

‘Blink,’ Edward says quickly. I startle back to reality and the echo of Alice’s words rattle in my mind.  _ Remember, you need to act human. That means pretending to blink every couple seconds, expanding your chest even when you aren't breathing, moving even when it is easier to remain still. Humans are better at picking up these abnormalities than you think. They might not recognise exactly what is wrong - in fact, their assumptions are almost always wrong - but it's better to be careful.  _

‘Thank you,’ I reply, closing my eyes quickly and then waiting a beat before doing it again. I pull out the bottle of lemonade I bought earlier as a ruse to avoid being alone with Mike, and fiddle with it slightly as I often remember doing back in Phoenix. Edward studies my ‘human’ movements with approval. 

‘So, in plain English, are we friends now?’

‘Friends...’ he muses. ‘Well, we can try, I suppose.’ 

‘Friends tell each other things,’ I nudge. 

‘And that's why you're friends with Alice,’ comes his reply. ‘She is notoriously terrible at keeping secrets.’

‘Unlike you.’ 

‘I could say the same thing about you.’

I return to my lemonade, twisting off the cap with a flick of the wrist. But as soon as I screw it off, I twist it back on again, the ridges on the edge not quite gripping to my stony fingers.

‘I’m not really that interesting,’ I say at last and Edward sits back in his chair, sceptical. 

‘You are to me. Besides, you're the new girl, even if you had the personality of a piece of wet cardboard, the students of Forks would find something of interest to latch on to.’

‘Well, aren't you a gentleman,’ I joke lamely. ‘Comparing me to wet cardboard. ‘

He laughs and leans forward again, his forearms on the table and his arms crossed over each other. 

‘A very beautiful piece of wet cardboard.’ I give him a look, glad that I don't have any blood left to rise to my cheeks in a blush. ‘But I’m just speculating,’ he dismisses with a faint gesture to the hundredths of other students sitting in the cafeteria. ‘Who knows, they might find you hideous unappealing.’

‘I doubt it,’ I reply. ‘Judging by the vultures that have been circling ever since the day of the dance was announced.’

‘You’ll get used to it,’ he says with amusement, but his eyes are oddly humourless. 

‘Are you hungry?’ I ask, suddenly feeling incredibly narcissistic as Angela walks close to our table in the way to the trash. She smiles but looks confused. When I turn back, after returning her smile with a reassuring one of my own, Edward is laughing again. 

‘No, I’m not hungry.’ The humour has reached his golden eyes now. ‘You?’

‘No,’ I say, self-conscious of my stupidity. ‘Haven’t been for a while.’

‘I wonder why.’ Our eyes met and I let out a breathy laugh. 

When I pull myself away from his gaze I notice the room is almost empty.

‘Are you going to walk me to class again?’ I ask, half teasing.

‘We can’t go to biology today,’ he answers, pushing out of his seat. ‘Today’s subject is blood typing.’

‘And you don’t think I can handle a little blood?’ I accuse. I grab my things as well, abandoning my untouched lemonade.

‘Bella, we don’t have blood in our veins. We can’t participate let alone be in the room with the scent of it in the air.’ He pauses with a sigh. ‘I heard about what happened last week, during lunch?’

I shiver slightly and chew on my lip. Why must he always be right?

‘Fine. But Alice could have told me, so there is really no need for you to sweep in and get all the credit for rescuing me. You’ve already done it once more than necessary.’

I can’t even look at him. He is too pretty. His features are too appealing. Beautiful people have a charm to them that means that you are able to forgive things that are normally inexcusable. There must be something about the inhumanness of vampires that makes them even more perfect. But with this privilege comes the curse of eternal life. 

Since the age of five, I have always had a plan for my future. And sure when I was in kindergarten I wanted to be a princess. But in middle school, I wanted to be an engineer and it’s stuck ever since. I wanted a life that was normal in the distinctive sense that there is no normal. I would get a degree and struggle to get a job. One day I would meet some guy after a string of worthless exes and he would somehow be able to read my mind and be all that I hoped for. I would spend my evenings reading Jane Austen while the echoes of my family drift from adjoining rooms. I still want that life. One where I have a future that isn’t the same as my present. Because now I’m stuck being seventeen forever and I think I might go insane if I have to live to the end of the world alone and lost. 

We exit out of the cafeteria doors directly into the parking lot. I make my way to my truck out of habit, mostly focusing on the huge grey clouds that taunt me with the knowledge that at any moment it could start raining buckets. 

‘Where are you going?’

‘Home.’

‘How?’

‘In my truck,’ I reply, puzzled. 

‘Bella, that thing is almost as old as I am.’

‘And how old are you then? Obviously not seventeen.’

‘Biologically I’m seventeen,’ he explains slowly, but not without humour. ‘But I was born in 1901.’

‘You’re a hundred and four?’ I exclaim, too surprised to hide how shocked I am. 

‘And your seventeen,’ he states dismissively. ‘Let me give you a ride in my car. It was built in this century and-’

‘Fine,’ I say, changing directions before he can even finish his sentence. ‘But you're dropping me back here later to pick it up.’

‘You’re more cooperative then I would have expected,’ he chuckles darkly, and for a moment I catch a glimpse of the dangerous side of him. It scares me to think I have the same part now - the bloodthirsty part. ‘I thought I would have to drag you by the hood of your jacket.’

He opens the passenger door and I slip in, tucking my hands between my legs and the seat. He gets in but doesn't immediately start the car. Instead, he checks which CD is in place before sliding it back in and pressing play. The opening notes of Clair deLune begin and a newfound peace settles over me. We sit in silence for a minute neither one of us wishing to speak over the delicate notes or break the electric tension that has taken over the contemplative silence. 

I can sense the moment the first person pricks their finger. Even through the many doors and walls, even across the distance, even locked away in a car, the syrupy tang still gets caught in the back of my throat. It calls to me, saying that with just one taste everything would be perfect. But I know that isn’t true. I am acting like a lifetime alcoholic at the ripe young age of seventeen. 

‘Do you want to leave?’ Edward asks. He’s not looking any better than I am and his hands drum restlessly on the steering wheel.

‘And miss Gym? Please,’ I say with eagerness, trying not to display just how much the blood is affecting me. Perhaps it is because I was anticipating it that the thirst feels so strong. That last time it felt like this I had to drown myself to try and make it go away. 

He turns the key all the way and shifts the clutch. The engine revs with a guttural hum that sounds like the harp compared to the sounds my truck makes. 

We leave Forks entirely. Mike’s father’s store flashes by on one side and the grocery store disappears in the rearview. Edward shows no indication of dropping me home so instead, I take in the beauty of the scenery from the safety of an enclosed vehicle. 

‘I’ve never ditched before,’ I say after the music ends. Biology must be halfway over by now. 

‘It’s healthy to ditch every once and a while,’ is his only comment, keeping his eyes on the road. The car is hurtling down a straight road with rows of trees blurring on either side. Or at least they would be blurring if I couldn’t see every individual patch of moss on their bark with perfect clarity. 

‘Can I ask you a question?’

‘You are going to ask it anyway,’ he replies dryly with his eyebrows raised as he turns to face me for a second before directing his focus to the road again. I pout slightly. I thought we were past rudeness. 

‘Why did you tell me to lie and say I couldn't go to the beach at La Push this weekend? It’s not like I had any profound interest or anything, it just seems a bit odd. You seemed nervous, like there would be consequences if I agreed to go.’

‘Let's just say there are certain…’ he trails off, searching for the right word, ‘ _ circumstances _ that prohibit us from setting foot in La Push.’

‘Because we’re vampires?’

‘Yes.’ 

The atmosphere inside the Volvo turns tense. His hands grip on the wheel even tighter and I watch the needle indicating the speed swing up suddenly. 

‘I’ll save my remaining questions for Saturday,’ I say, glad to see that he relaxes when the expectation of answering fades. But it only reminds me how much the entire Cullen family is holding back. They want everything to be entirely on their own terms, scared to answer even one question for fear of revealing something they shouldn’t. If anything, it makes me more desperate for answers. 

‘Alice told me to come around two,’ I continue, realising that Edward won't be the next one to speak. ‘In the morning?’

‘Carlisle doesn’t want your father knowing. You will be back home before he awakes.’

‘Oh, of course.’

‘Are you going to tell him?’ Edward asks, right before turning onto a seemingly identical road that will lead us back into town. It is the same way Charlie drove after picking me up from the airport a month and a half ago. For just a second, the last several weeks disappear.

‘I don’t know. I have to someday but I don’t think he suspects anything at the moment. He isn’t at the house much. I think he is so used to being a bachelor he has no idea what a normal teenage girl acts like.’ I pause and study Edward’s blank side profile. ‘Do you think I should tell him?’

‘Does your mother know?’

‘No, that's why I left. She’s like my best friend, but she is also my mom. I didn’t want to burden her,’ I answered quietly. ‘What about your parents? Your birth parents, I mean - what were they like?’

‘They died of the Spanish flu the same year I almost did.’

‘And that’s when you became a vampire?’ I asked, figuring out the math in my head. 

‘Carlisle was a doctor in the flu ward and he promised my mother he would do whatever he could to save me. I don't think she expected that turning me into an immortal vampire was what it would take.’ We are both speaking in hush levels, scared that speaking too loudly will make the truth harder to admit. ‘I don’t remember my parents clearly. Human memories tend to fade after being turned.’

‘I’m sorry.’ It seems the only thing to say. 

‘It’s alright. I can’t imagine two better people than Esme and Carlisle.’

‘You’re very lucky.’

‘I know I am.’ 

‘What about your siblings. How did they get turned?’

‘I’ll let them tell you themselves. We need to get back to the school anyway, they won’t like waiting in the rain.’

‘Oh, right.’ 

The next three minutes as we enter back into Forks are silent but peaceful, only the rumble of the engine and the patter of rain. 

‘Thanks for warning me,’ I say as he pulls into a parking spot. 

‘But not for rescuing you?’

‘Never,’ I reply with a mocking glare. ‘Not when I could have done it myself.’

And with that, I open the door to a huddle of Cullens under an awning looking at me with knowing twinkles in their eyes. Alice runs to my side, linking our arms, and walks with me to my rain-soaked truck. 

‘So remember, Edward will be in the woods brooding at about 1:30 Saturday morning. If you follow the trail that passed by the back of your house it should take you to him.’

‘How do you know he’ll be there? And why can’t you just give me the address?’ I ask although I know it is of no use. 

‘Because,’ she explains, ‘He doesn’t know.’

‘Doesn’t know what?’

‘That you’ll be there, silly!’ she exclaims before practically shoving me into the driver's seat of my truck and slamming the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter:  
> The Cullens introduce themselves.


	9. CHAPTER EIGHT - INTRODUCTION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A race, a story, a lullaby. Bella is welcomed by the Cullens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this chapter is so late. I've been so sidetracked with college decisions and my dad's birthday that I hardly had time to write. However, the next few are already at least half-written so they will be posted as soon as possible.  
> Thank you so much for reading and leaving wonderful comments.

I wanted, amidst the frantic atmosphere, a single lonely hour to myself before Bella was due to arrive. I should have realised that Alice, with her thoughts stuffed full of cataloguing her closet and endless seating arrangements, was hiding something. Thankfully, I'm perched on a high enough branch in the tree I spend my solitary hours in that Bella doesn’t notice my presence at first. I have time to compose myself. 

For a moment I wonder what she is doing wandering the woods alone, obviously not hunting, but then I shake my head and curse to myself about Alice and her endless manipulations. As Bella turns to depart in the other direction, looking lost, I leap down from my height. She is startled but gathers her bearings. In the shining, reflected light of the witching hour, we near. 

She is a celestial being illuminated by moonlight, surrounded by a shroud of perfection. She is so far from human, so close to angelic, that I have my doubts she is even real when she is not standing as she is before my very eyes. Perhaps it is because I can’t hear her thoughts yet she still never leaves my mind. I feel overwhelmed with doubt. Surely nothing this perfect can be a monster. 

‘Alice?’ I ask, needing no further elaboration. 

She nods, her hair slipping out from behind her ear on the left side. She retucks it swiftly back into position. It’s a habit I see her do often. 

‘I should have known. She-’ I stop myself. I was going to mention her future seeing. Carlisle warned us to not reveal our powers. I don’t quite know why. Perhaps to have the upper hand if things went south, or maybe so as not to scare her with too much too soon. Hopefully, he will allow her the full truth today. 

‘So, are you going to lead me to your house or is there some sort of hazing I have to go through first? I’m not really sure what Alice expected to happen by surprising you.’

‘You always take me by surprise,’ I admit. I edge my way closer into her space. ‘As for the  _ hazing  _ as you call it, I believe a race would suffice.’

‘How am I supposed to know where I’m going?’ Bella replies with false confidence as I walk my way around her. She is not scared, but for some reason, I wish she was. Does she not know that I am the fastest vampire I have ever encountered?

‘As if you could outrun me,’ I dare her. She only bites her lip and stares up at me under her eyelashes with a teasing grin. 

‘I know I can.’

I laugh. ‘I live directly north’ I say, pointing. Her eyes narrow, squinting slightly and then she stands straight. She found it in the distance. 

‘You’re on.’

She takes off without a second thought and I tear after her. Bella’s headstart slims until I am at her side as we dodge low hanging branches and leap over rocks and ferns. I haven't been able to release the shackles of sluggish human speed for days and if feels glorious. My muscles tighten and work with enthusiasm. When I look over she has a self-important grin still plastered on her face but her eyebrows are furrowed in concentration. I quicken my strides, growing stealthy faster until I reach my comfortable sprint that is enough to outpace most vampires. We are nearing the house now, I can hear Emmett’s thoughts as he contemplates which huge pine would be best suited to be wrenched from the ground and carved into the bench Esme has so often hinted she wants to be perched in her favourite corner of the woods. The rest of the family is spread out around the house; Carlisle in his study as always, Alice fluttering about warning the others of our arrival. Jasper is stroking her arm as she grows giddy with anticipation. 

Bella is not far behind me when we slow to a jog. She looks at me in awe. She must not have run that fast yet. Her grin is contagious. 

I see them in the windows, a row of pale figures, stark and perfect. The thoughts of my family make their way in waves to me. The general consensus is welcoming warmth. They all have good-humoured smiles and even Rosalie seems pleasant. 

They greet us at the front door with affection. But behind this welcoming demeanour, I can sense the uneasiness and apprehension that settles under the surface. Esme pats me on the arm reassuringly and Jasper is even more unusually quiet as he focuses on dispelling any tension while bearing the brunt of everyone’s stress. But Bella, whether she senses it or not, gives no indication that anything is wrong.

‘Hello, Bella, welcome to our home,’ Esme says as Bella steps through the doorway.

‘I believe we met already, at the hospital,’ Carlisle says politely as he leads Bella through to the sitting room. ‘You can call me Carlisle.’

‘Hello again,’ Bella says shyly, overwhelmed. ‘Thanks for helping me. I don’t know what I would have done if they tried to stick an IV in me. I think fake swooning would have only worsened my problem.’

Carlisle’s chest rises slightly with a good-natured chuckle as I steer Bella towards the sectional where Alice waits with a grin.

‘Bella!’ She pats the seat next to her. Bella sits cautiously. 

Jasper cocks an eyebrow in my direction.  _ Still trying to keep your distance, I see.  _ I glare at him and he settles into his chair with amused conceit. Gradually, the atmosphere calms to cordiality. Rosalie and Emmett are still poised in the archway that leads to the kitchen in half commitment. 

‘Hello Bella,’ Jasper says to my relief. He seems happy to be around a new person he doesn’t have the urge to kill. 

‘Hello Jasper,’ Bella replies politely and with a growing smile before turning back to Alice. 

‘This is your house?’ Bella asks with wide eyes and Alice’s smile somehow stretches further. ‘It's gorgeous.’

‘Esme designed it but I decorated it.’ 

‘Well, you are both extremely talented.’ Bella still looks bewildered as the coven settles in various spots around the room. I wish I couldn't hear the endless derogatory remarks about certain activities between mates. 

‘Why don’t I give you the tour,’ I murmur as close to her ear as I can bear. 

‘We should start upstairs,’ Alice declares, ‘and end in the backyard.’

I glare at her and Jasper clears his throat, projecting a feeling that resembles irrelevant dullness towards Alice. She sighs but doesn't follow as I lead Bella by the hand up the stairs. 

‘Why isn’t Alice coming?’

‘She tends to go off on tangents,’ I dismiss. ‘It would take three hours if you let her show you around.’

It sounds like a good enough excuse when I think of it but I regret it almost immediately. We are halfway up the stairs now and Bella catches her first glimpse of the cross hanging at the end of the hallway. She looks at me with playful confusion. 

‘You can laugh, it is sort of ironic,’ I say but she doesn’t laugh. She walks over to it and glides a finger down the grain of the wood. The colour of her hair almost matches the worn colour of the aged wood, her skin as pale as the white walls.

‘It must be very old,’ Bella contemplates. 

‘Early sixteen thirties more or less.’ 

She turns away from the cross to stare at me. 

‘It belonged to Carlisle's father,’ I say in way of explanation. ‘He carved it himself and hung it on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage in which he preached.’

After a beat, she asks, ‘Are the rest of you all as old as Carlisle?’

‘No, Jasper is the second oldest in terms of date of birth and he is only one hundred and sixty-one. Carlisle celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday recently.’

‘So the rest of you are all closer to one hundred then?’

‘Yes, but biologically we are different ages.’

‘Oh,’ is her answer. ‘Then I’m practically an infant.’

I chuckle and lead her through to Carlise’s study, promising that my father will have the answers she wants. It is an imposing room, with bookcases on two of the walls containing centuries of worn spines. Carlisle is delighted at the wonder in Bella’s eyes as she takes it in. But then I spin her around to the wall covered in Carslie’s collection of paintings and Bella’s jaw physically drops. She stands still as a statue while her eyes dance from each painting to the next, taking the longest on the smallest one, sepia with age. She nears it and Carlisle follows. 

‘London in the sixteen-fifties,’ he explains wistfully. ‘The London of my youth.’

‘Will you tell the story?’ I ask. Bella turns around expectantly. 

‘I would be pleased to,’ Carlisle answers calmly before returning to where he was seated behind his stately oak desk. I motion for Bella to take a seat. 

‘I believe my origin bears some resemblance to yours. I overcame a great thirst through determination and shame, hiding in a cellar surrounded by potatoes for days in order to prevent myself from indulging in my treacherous thirst. You see, my father was a pastor and persecuted Roman Catholics and led hunts for monsters. I was therefore brought up to be prejudiced against the supernatural, even if all the people he burned were innocent.’

Bella’s countenance moulds to one of sympathy. Carlisle continues. 

‘Yet, I did manage to find a coven of true vampires, as my father grew old. They hunted at night and I waited with a mob of other-’

‘Pitchforks and everything,’ I add with forced humour, knowing where the story is leading. 

‘Yes,’ he diplomatically acknowledges. ‘I managed to head this mob and I persuaded the so-called monster - who being weak with hunger turned to attack me rather than flee.’

Bella’s lips part and her eyes widen. I re-experience the story through the expressions on her face. 

‘I was turned rather than killed because the mob was close behind and as ravenous for violence as the vampire was for blood. I was left bleeding on the street.’

‘But you said you were in a cellar full of potatoes?’

‘I hide there through horrific determination. It was a choice made due to the knowledge I had that anything infected by the monster would be burned. It was purely self-preservation at first, but it also prevented me from indulging in my more primal fits of hunger. It has taken me years to perfect my self-control, but it all stems from my early desire to not fully become the monster I was forced to become.’

Bella returns to looking at the picture in silence. Her shoulders sag slightly and even if I can’t hear her thoughts I know exactly what she is thinking. Her sympathy and deep-seated empathy can be felt like a heavy blacked had been laid over the room. She resonated with the story much more than I anticipated. It’s a tale that has become almost gospel to my family. He was the first, but Bella shows that he was not the last. 

‘You two should complete your tour now,’ Carlisle suggests, interrupting the silence. ‘I must seek out Esme. She made me promise to hunt a deer for breakfast.’

The door closes slowly. Bella faces me once more and I reach for her hand. She slips away, following my father out into the bright white hallway. Exiting the study barracks the emotions behind the door. She tries on a smile, letting it settle on her face. Together, we seek out my bedroom. 

I don’t understand the significance until Bella runs a hand along the edges of my CDs and bites her lip to prevent any unsolicited comments about my hundreds of records. She is looking at an embodiment of my soul. 

‘How do you have these organized?’ she asks as she pulls one out to study the cover before slipping it back in where it belongs. 

‘Um, by year and then by personal preference within that frame.’

When she looks up at me, after skimming through the rest of the row, I view her reaction to my expression of relief. 

‘What?’

‘I was prepared to feel relieved that I could finally tell you about everything. But I didn’t expect to feel more than that. I feel...’ I pause, worried I will say the wrong word on accident. she waits expectantly for me to continue. ‘Happy.’

‘I’m glad,’ she says with a smile. I can’t help but wonder what her reaction would be if I said what I am truly feeling. That I want her to stay with me forever because I have realized how wrong I had been to pretend otherwise.

‘Would you have told me all this if I was human?’

‘I doubt I would have brought you to a house full of vampires if you were human.’

‘I’m guessing that’s a no.’ She gazes out the crystal clear windows, pondering something. I manoeuvre around the couch to join her, mimicking her wistful stare.

‘I wish we could have met as humans,’ Bella says without prompting. 

‘You say that as if we were only ourselves before being turned.’

‘Weren't we?’ she maintains. ‘Because if I know one thing, it’s that I am no longer the same girl that grew up in Phoenix and thought that monsters existed only in fiction. And I can never get her back.’

She has her arms wrapped around her middle, clutching at something invisible. 

‘Tell me about her.’

She sighs. It’s a nostalgic sound that an elderly woman would make upon opening up the scrapbook of her youth. She is standing unmoving. I have a sudden urge to know this long lost Bella only she understands. 

‘I was horrendously clumsy,’ she begins with a breathy laugh. ‘I couldn't walk more than a few steps at a time without tripping, so you can imagine what it would have been like if I ever came here in the winter when everything was covered in ice.’

‘I would have never let you out of my sight for fear you might hurt yourself.’

She blinks slowly. Not out of a need to but rather a silent repose. The spell is broken and she unfreezes form her stillness to face me, the light back in her eyes. 

‘A vampire stalker,’ Bella accuses. ‘I think that might have been more dangerous to poor human Bella than slippery ice.’

‘What else?’ I reply with a chuckle. ‘There must have been more to your personality than clumsiness.’

‘I read a lot - I still do. But before this, it was to stay inside so as not to  _ hurt myself. _ Now it's because there are far too many hours in the day. And when I was eight I took ballet and piano lessons. I didn’t stick with either.’

‘For obvious reasons,’ I supply. ‘Although I must ask why the piano was so unceremoniously abandoned?’

‘Do you play?’

I don’t satisfy her with a verbal answer. Instead, I take her hand in mine and lead her downstairs to the grand piano. The rest of my family has broken away to the rest of the house. I can hear Esme pretending that her watercolouring takes up all her attention, Emmett complaining to Jasper about how he misses playing football, Alice stuck in her endless visions, Rosalie cleaning the garage between projects. They briefly acknowledge the change in my location but their thoughts don’t linger. Bella must have been keeping her own account of the coven's whereabouts because she shows no indication that she expected anyone to still remain in the main sitting room. 

Bella sits next to me on the narrow bench, turned away from the piano. Her head angles towards mine. Her smooth skin atop her nose and forehead shines in the unobstructed light. I have to remind myself to look away. 

I set my hands down, thinking back to the memories of the last time I played this particular piece. It was the day I had spent the afternoon with her avoiding the enticing smell of fresh blood in Biology class. That night, my family could all hear the pacing and the building pressure of the orchestra playing through my speakers. But I remained in the house, not escaping through the window because I knew as soon as I did I would be called to the one place I knew I would not be welcome. Bella’s window. Where I could see her once more and remind myself that she was real and not a dream I had invented to stave off the loneliness.

But today she sits by my side, entranced by her lullaby. It’s bittersweet. She has no use for it but the pleasure of listening. The music builds, the keys pressing tight under my fingers. Until suddenly, it breaks. 

Bella tilts her face up to mine. ‘It’s beautiful.’ 

‘You inspired it.’

‘You wrote this?’ Her voice is high and breathy. 

‘Don’t tell Esme, she will think I'm showing off.’

At that very moment, of what I'm sure Bella acknowledges as a mere coincidence, Esme and Rosalie enter from the far door on route to the kitchen. 

_ Could you please play my favourite, Edward? And stop keeping the girl all to herself. _

‘Bella dear, why don’t you join me and Rosalie in the kitchen? Edward will have to go help his father soon.’ 

I turn back to my instrument after nodding to Bella that she should go with them. I keep a part of my attention on them, especially when Esme exits out into the backyard where Carlisle is awaiting his instructions. 

In the kitchen, I can sense Bella drifting towards Rosalie, and just like tuning a radio, I focus my attention on Rosalie's thoughts and the sound of their voices in the other room. Rosalie is looking out the window at a particularly brave deer in the early morning mist that has ventured close to our deadly house.  _ So innocent. So undeserving. Carlisle is going after it with a knife, at least somewhat humane. He and I have always been alike in that way.  _ Then she begins to lament the fact that she has never even tasted human blood and I am overcome with the lightness of Bella’s voice, as intimate as if she were whispering into my ear. 

‘Rosalie?’

My sister stays facing towards the window.  _ Bella. I should have known she would seek me out alone.  _ And in the reflection of herself, she sees in the window her lips purse and I can see the faint glisten of Bella’s pale face behind her.  _ If only she were human. _

‘I’m sorry if I've done something to hurt you, I can promise you I didn't mean it.’

‘Of course, you didn't mean it,’ Rosalie replies. It is so low it is almost muffled by the movement of her pushing off the counter and turning around and I wouldn't have caught it if I couldn't also hear it in her thoughts. I fight my own unjustifiable wish to intervene and prevent whatever conflict is sure to commence. 

‘Why don’t you like me?’ Bella asks and a piece of my heart breaks off from the rest. 

‘I like you Bella, but I also feel sorry for you,’ Rosalie admits. ‘Which is ludacris, because above all else I envy you.’

Bella stands in shocked silence. But she is no sweet, innocent lamb. And Rosalie is no violent lion. I persuade myself that it is better not to interfere. Factions, in this household, will only cause trouble. 

_ ‘ _ Being a vampire suits you,’ my sister explains. ‘You don't even remember when you were changed and somehow you have no newborn urges. And now you have been welcomed, not forced, into a coven and found your mate in only a matter of days. I can't help but wish that it had been the same for me and the rest of my family. But more than anything I feel tremendously sorry for you. By far my greatest wish is that Carlisle had left me for dead.’

Another section of my heart splinters, cracking like ice. I start back at the beginning of my composition. 

‘Do you think I asked to be changed?’ Bella calls after Rosalie as she pushes past and Rosalie’s regret builds but she keeps her face level. Bella continues: ‘I am stuck like this forever, never able to see my mother again. And you believe that I find no faults in immortality?’

The great expanse of the kitchen island stands between them now. But Rosalie decides to let it all go. She walks past me briskly. 

_ Of course, you were listening,  _ she sneers.  _ Bella sure is feisty. She will do well with us. _

I don’t for a minute dare suggest I heard a word. I keep playing, letting the last notes trail off as the world prepares to wake. However, I do stand and meet Bella in the silence of the unused kitchen. 

‘I’m sorry, Rosalie can be defensive sometimes.’

She nods, and soon enough the sadness seeps away and is replaced with Emmett’s joy once he bursts into the room. Breakfast is almost ready. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Some of the domestic Cullen content I promised and a proposal.


	10. CHAPTER NINE - FAMILY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blood for breakfast and other revelations.

The Cullen family gathers near the back door as Carlisle comes bearing the carcass of a mature deer. He swings it from off his shoulders and holds it by the legs, two in each hand, the head grazing his knee as he enters the building once more. There is a feeling of domesticity as Esme instructs Emmett to help his father drain the deer and turns to me to ask for help in arranging the dining room as one would do for a normal human meal, except all there are in the way of dishes are large glasses with straws in them dangling to one side. 

‘When we have guests we like to be civilized,’ she supplies as she hands me a pile of napkins to place aside each setting. 

‘Do all vampires only drink animal blood?’

She looks up with a soft, knowing smile. ‘Not all. We call ourselves vegetarians, as do our cousins in Alaska, but others prefer to abide by our natural appetites. You seem to have mastered your thirst quite well for a newborn, that must be because of your shield.’

‘Shield?’ I ask as she takes the extra napkins from me. She looks struck by mild awe. 

‘Has Edward not told you anything?’ she shakes her head before continuing. ‘When a vampire is changed they tend to carry with them something from their human life that may develop into an extra _skill_ you might say. For Edward, he is able to pick up on the thoughts of others, but supposedly not yours. And Alice is able to see people's future, but yet finds trouble seeing yours clearly. Even Jasper, who is able to feel and manipulate others emotions struggles to get in tune with yours. Thus, Carlisle has hypothesized that you are what we call a shield. You have an invisible force you can put up that blocks out other vampire’s powers.’

The household stirs again as if they were waiting for Esme to stop speaking, and Alice enters the room to rearrange the seating plan, muttering to herself about possible outcomes as her features twist and untwist. Now that the truth is out she seems to have relaxed. 

‘Oh, Bella! I am not used to being unable to see where you will be. Your eyes look quite dark, would a pint of blood suffice or should I steal you some of Jasper’s seeing as he owes you for the last deer.’

I am surprised yet again with the peace and comfort that being with the Cullens brings. I feel at home as I have never felt before. They understand me so clearly, even if they can’t read me as Esme says. Every new thing is extraordinary and yet feels so certain and normal. Things make sense that would at one point be otherworldly and bizarre. Of course, there must be unique skills one gain after being changed, and yes there would be sit down dinners as we debate how many millilitres of blood one deserves to suck up their straw. The old myths fade from my mind and reality opens doors before my very eyes. 

‘If Jasper is okay with it…’

‘Of course,’ she says with an absolute certainty that only a person that can see into the future has. ‘He and Rosalie are going to kill a mountain lion together next Friday. Edward is going to be angry they took one of his meals. Carlisle is very cautious about not damaging animal populations and mountain lions are Edward's favourite.’

I have an urge to laugh at how perfect it all is. 

‘Well then, Alice where are we sitting?’ Esme asks as she stands up. 

‘Bella should be in the middle or else Emmett will be forced to yell at her across the table and you and Carlisle will be fine sitting on either end. I just can't quite see if Edward should sit across from Bella or beside her.’

She looks up expectantly from her deliberations.

‘Beside?’ I suggest. ‘And you can sit on my other side.’

She looks delighted at that suggestion. 

Technically you might call this breakfast but it was unlike any I have ever experienced. Most of mine, before I was turned, were pieces of toast with butter that must be eaten with agility as I rushed out the door. When my mom still drove me to school I was always at least five minutes late. But today we all sit down just as the sun peeks up above the horizon and I can see the entire forest through the huge windows. My smile grows ever brighter. 

But something Rosalie said earlier won’t leave my mind. It is lodged in my thoughts like a grain of sand in a clam, ready to be turned into a pearl. _Found your mate in only a matter of days._ Does she mean Edward? 

‘I’m really sorry I couldn't tell you everything, Bella,’ Alice says as she sits in the chair next to mine. ‘It’s just that we had to wait until we trusted you. Edward and Carlise thought it was best to maintain some distance at the beginning.’

‘It's really alright, Alice, I understand. But you’d better tell me all about this future seeing later,’ I reply brightly. Something about being with Alice sucks me out of my normal introverted nature. She has an irresistible, contagious energy, all somehow contained in her petite frame. 

‘I knew you’d understand,’ she replies as Emmett comes in with a pitcher of fresh blood. I can smell it - sweet and gamey. He sets in on the table and the entire family responds like it is the ringing of the dinner bell. I glance over as Edward slides into his seat, his arm only inches away from mine under the table. Awkwardly, I lay my napkin on my lap and hand Esme my glass which she fills with the viscous liquid. I wait for everyone to have theirs before I reach for my straw. I nearly whimper as it slides down my throat. Hunting sends me into a sort of tunnel vision, all my senses blocked to anything but my thirst. So after draining my glass and closing my eyes as my inhuman body processes the high, I return to consciousness. 

Emmett, across the table from me, locks eyes with mine and his face pulls into a childlike grin. ‘Do you want to come with me and Edward on our hunting trip today? I’m going to kill a bear but I'm sure we could find you a deer or something if you prefer. Edward told me you like the taste better.’

My heart no longer beats and has been frozen for three months, so maybe it's the venom that heats up and burns in my chest. Or it could be the feeling of the still-warm blood fulfilling my thirst. 

‘I don’t want to impose,’ I explain in a shy murmur. Edward, beside me, narrows his eyes at his brother. ‘And anyway, I don’t know how I'd explain it to Charlie.’

Emmett nods, looking glum; but with a sip of blood, his spirits return. 

‘How did you know I like deer?’ I ask Edward. ‘And why didn’t you tell me you could read people’s thoughts? I have so many more questions now.’

Edward sighs but the edge of his lips still turn slightly upward. ‘Alice told me. And as for the mind-reading, it's not as interesting as you might think. It’s actually quite aggravating. That's why I like being around you. Your silence is like a breath of fresh air after being trapped in a musty basement all my life.’

‘That's a weird way of putting it.’

‘Doesn’t make it any less true.’

We lapse into silence but the rest of the Cullens continue to talk around us. I tilt my glass and try to suck the last few drops. I close my eyes at the fulfilment, but it doesn’t last long.

‘What is drinking human blood like?’

Edward doesn’t look as shocked at my question as I anticipated. 

‘We call ourselves vegetarians for a reason,’ he answers carefully, dipping his head slightly to the side. I lean in as well, our shoulders brushing. It feels strangely intimate amongst the boisterous sounds of his family. ‘Only drinking animal blood is like living forever on tofu and salad. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time.’

‘You still haven’t told me what it tastes like.’

Edward sighs. 

‘Like the first drink of water after a lifetime in an endless desert,’ he contemplates. ‘So perfect, so fulfilling that for those few minutes in the thralls of hunger, the rest of the world ceases to exist.’

‘Oh,’ I reply blankly.

‘But the guilt you feel afterwards when you realize the monster you have become, is like hell compared to the taste of heaven.’

‘I don’t want to be a monster,’ I admit. He presses his lips together and I glance at them unconsciously. He lets out a hum that tells me without words that he feels exactly the same. 

The rest of the meal passes normally considering the abnormal circumstances. Rosalie avoids my eye, Esme is always on the verge of smiling, Jasper talks as much as the rest of his family now that the hunger no longer hangs over his head. Emmett and Alice rival at being the most excited while Edward grows both embarrassed and adoring by the minute. He studies my reactions like a painter studies his canvas. The conversation meanders through meaningless small talk, typical family snark, and the underlying acknowledgement of our joined lack of humanity. 

However, at some point, it begins to dwindle and Esme and Jasper stand up to clear the dishes. Rosalie flees with Emmett out through the back door to the expansive forest. Alice quiets down remarkably and the silence sneaks in alongside an uncomfortable trepidation. Carlisle clears his throat to establish that he is preparing to say something of grave importance. I peek over at Edward beside me but he doesn’t remove his gaze from the table in front of him. Alice is doing the same. Dr Cullen, on the other hand, determinedly directs his attention to me. Cautiously and with complete awareness of what will come next, he speaks.

‘Bella,’ he begins, I nod compulsively. ‘Please know that you are invited to join our coven if you wish to.’

My mind, which has gotten used to working deftly and with an inhuman capability for logic and critical thought, has melted and turned to mush. All of my endless nights antagonising over what I will do after graduation sneak to the forefront. _Do I commit to college; do I go completely off-grid? What will I tell Charlie? How will he take it if I do? Should I wait for the Cullens or other vampires to welcome me into their covens? What if they never do?_

Alice and Edward remain statues on either side of me, pressing in yet remarkably distant. They must have known what their father would say. Alice said that he had not changed her. He must have asked her the exact same thing at one point. They remain staring into the middle distance, acting like they are simply a part of the landscape. However, under the table, Edward’s knee shifts to rest against mine. That simple movement compels me to speak. 

‘I- I don’t…’

‘There is no need for an immediate answer,’ Carlisle reassures me. ‘This is not an ultimatum, simply an invitation. Take all the time you need to come to your decision.’

I press my leg more firmly against Edward’s and he awakens slightly - sitting up in his seat. 

‘Thank you,’ I reply timidly, resorting to my habit of tucking back my hair to overcome any awkwardness. 

‘You are welcome in our home always. This is a safe away place from humans and feel free to use it as such. I am sure I can have a discussion with your father if any concerns are raised.’

I mumble a humble thanks again. 

With that, he pushes back his chair and stands. Alice, on my right, does the same and I trail after her back through to the living room. 

‘Hey,’ she pipes up brightly once we reach the stairwell, ‘do you want to see my room now?’

Alice accompanies me home, mostly in silence. She might have spoken but I am so lost in my thoughts I probably don’t hear it. The sun is still in the process of rising. It’s six-thirty, the time of day I would have normally had to wake up at - the time of day that I now pretend is when I wake up. I left my window open when I departed, so I only leap up to the ledge, waving at Alice, before climbing into my bedroom just before Charlie knocks on my door. Today, I sacrifice my comfort for appearance’s sake and manage to choke down a slice of toast and half a fried egg before my dad grabs his jacket and rumbles away in his car at half-past seven. I puke it up after he leaves. 

Both Alice and Edward are waiting for me when I step out onto the porch five minutes later. Alice jumps out of the passenger seat of Edward’s car as he leans against the driver’s door. He is wearing a back puffer coat and gloves - a look that makes me smile at how superfluous it is. He dazzles me with a smirk as he stuffs his hands casually into his pockets - another idiotically human gesture. 

‘Morning,’ I acknowledge a bit foolishly. It's been hardly an hour since I saw them. 

Alice has changed into a completely different outfit during the interlude. Her shiny boots lace to just under the knee and a long, thin scarf is wrapped loosely around her neck. Her hair is styled in its usual winging spikes, but the clip at the front has been exchanged for a less blingy one. Seeing the Cullens in their natural environment has shown me just how much effort they put into making sure the humans do not suspect anything. It makes sense why they would be cautious around me at the beginning and it reminds me, relentlessly, about Carlisle’s invitation. 

‘Good morning!’ she replies, chipper as usual. Edward still only stares with amusement from where he is leaning. 

‘Hey,’ I mumble to Alice sheepishly, worried I will sound rude, ‘Could you tell me if I’m going to fail my Trig test today?’

Alice’s features screw up in concentration but she doesn’t look mad. ‘Hmm,’ she says to herself as we get into the car - me in the front and her in the back. ‘I think you are going to pass, but I’m not sure by how much. I’m sorry Bella, I can’t see your future as clearly as I can see other peoples.’

‘Thanks, Alice,’ I reply with a sigh of relief. ‘It's amazing you can see things like that.’

She grins, but I look away as Edward slams the car door shut behind him. 

‘Long time no see,’ he acknowledges finally. 

Alice giggles from the backseat. 

‘So, you said you said you had more questions,’ Edward says, glancing over at me, then behind as he reverses down the driveway. His arm rests on the back of my seat. A dove is trapped in my windpipe. I can feel it fluttering and it won’t let me speak. 

‘Edward, you should tell her about how I met Jasper ‘ Alice suggests with an excited whack to his seat. ‘Or I could explain how my visions work.’ 

The rain surges from a persistent drizzle to continuous heavy drops hitting the windows. Edward flicks on the windshield wipers. When neither of us replies in disagreement, Alice starts speaking again.

‘I only knew my name because that is what he called me,’ she begins, the blitheness fading slightly. ‘I still don’t know what it truly is. I don’t even remember my own parents or what country they immigrate from. Jasper was the only beacon I had when I awoke after being changed so I focused only on the futures that would lead to him. It led me to Philadelphia.’

‘What year was this?’ I ask.

‘It was 1948 that we met. He kept me waiting. It took me eighteen years to get to him. He had only just gathered the courage to leave his old coven.’

She pauses, letting the beating of rain fill the silence. Edward stays focused on the road and I feel alone in the front seat with my sympathy. Alice takes a deep breath and continues. 

‘He had been manipulated by a vampire called Maria because of his abilities. She was creating a newborn army to fight a war over territory in the South and tasked him with training them after they were turned.’ Alice has lost some of her liveliness. It has been replaced with a still type of nostalgia that binds her to distant memories. ‘He could control their emotions. Keep them in check and prepared for battle. It also helped that he had battle experience himself.’

‘In World War One?’

‘The Civil War,’ Edward interjects. Alice looks relieved. ‘He enlisted in the Confederate Army. But after he deserted - for obvious reasons - he was recruited by the Union side to act as a double agent. Maria turned him during one of his missions and he didn’t manage to leave until 1938.’

‘And then I found him and after I had a vision of our future with Carlisle, we joined them in 1950.’

‘And you’ve been subjecting me to near-constant prophecies ever since,’ Edward adds dryly. I make a note to ask Alice more about her visions at lunch.

We are pulling into the school’s parking lot now and the rain is begging to pool on the asphalt and run in rivers towards sewer drains. It soaks me to the bone along the strip of my shirt exposed by my open raincoat but I pay no notice. Instead, I link my arm with Alice’s as we race towards the doors. I turn back once we are under the cover of shelter and see Edward with his hood up stalking across the lot. 

I will say yes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter;  
> The Cullens invite Bella to sit at their lunch table and Edward is confused by genuine human emotion.


	11. CHAPTER TEN - CLOSER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation about courting and the threat of death by sunlight.

Beside me, Bella breaks open the seal on the sickly fruit cup she purchased after we stood in a queue for ten minutes. She doesn't have a fork to eat it with but she wasn’t going to anyway. Her friends take turns staring at us, obviously begrudging but not in the least surprised. They would be the first to admit how easily she has fit in with us - as if we all speak a different language than the rest of the school population. However, they are not the only ones regarding us with renewed interest. Now that I - and often Alice when she has enough willpower - drive Bella to school when she isn’t adamant about using her prehistoric truck, Rosalie drives the others in her red convertible. She is quite excited to be able to show it off. Carlisle is not as pleased and has enforced even stricter regulations. Emmitt has a doctor's note to sit out of PE for the next month due to a knee injury; Alice is forced to buy clothes made for teenagers rather than the celebrities they idolize. Esme is seen at the grocery store every week like clockwork and Jasper has been forced to skip half his lessons with a bounty of differing excuses which I find to be even more suspicious. As for me, I’ve been ordered to act more like a teenage boy - which, according to Emmitt, means saying dude a lot and chasing after girls. But for now, I try not to attract too much attention. I think spontaneously saying  _ Dude!  _ for the first time might be too conspicuous. 

This is altogether too extreme to only be about Rosalie's car. Forks is well aware Carslie is wealthy and it would be easy enough to spin some rumour about the Hale twins inheriting even more money. Rather, I believe this is about Bella and the choice he offered her. He is making sure that before we all disappear without a trace along with the infamous chief's daughter, suspicions are not raised. We will be able to slink into the shadows with only an ‘ _ I wonder where Dr Cullen is working now?’ _

‘Shut up or I'll make you eat an entire three-course meal,’ Rosalie threatens, interrupting my attempt to initiate a discussion on something other than grumbling about these new rules. Guiltlessly, she taunts me further with a grin as I begin my plotting. Were it not for the audience, she would already be without half her limbs. 

‘You don't even know how to cook,’ I counter.

‘But I do,’ Bella replies with a smirk and the entire table collapses into a frenzy of mockery. Bella’s smile grows tenfold and she looks up at me with delight. I attempt to remain as stoic as I can while the entire cafeteria turns to regard us with confusion. I duck my head in a mix of shame and a feeling of adoration I cannot hide completely.

‘I like her,’ Emmitt announces, swinging an arm over the back of Bella's chair where my arm used to lay. ‘I think we just found our newest member of the Edward Cullen Hate Club.’

‘What does being a member of this club mean?’ Bella asks, avoiding my incessant gaze. 

‘Bitching about his moping,’ Rosalie begins. 

‘Arguing over which Debussy piece he will play next and why he still considers himself an appreciator of classical music if Debussy is all he ever listens to,’ Jasper adds.

‘They are complex, artful pieces with-’

‘Telling Esme which girl will profess her undying love to him next week,’ Alice says with silver laughter, cutting my defence short.

‘That's the best one,’ Emmitt adds, his deep voice cutting through the giggles. ‘Eddie is not good with women or feelings.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Bella says under her breath. I shift to ask her what she means but she is already leaning halfway across the table interrogating Rosalie and Alice about the importance of Prom and if it is vital that they drive all the way to Seattle to buy dresses. 

‘But I hate dresses and dancing. I’ll trip or…’

‘Or what?’ Alice replied with friendly opposition in her bright voice. ‘You can hardly trip on it if it's a midi, and you’re a vampire! Vampires don’t trip. We’re like cats, we always land right side up.’

She speaks so fast no human could possibly hear. Bella opens her mouth to reply but no sound comes out. The bell rings before Bella has a chance to gather her words.

‘What did you mean?’ I ask as we make our way down the hallway into the swarm of other students. 

‘When I said what?’

It still feels foreign to have to ask questions in order to get an answer. I am so used to knowing people better than they know themselves that being blind to Bella's thoughts has set me off-kilter. God has decided to mock me by making the one person I wish to know better than I know myself the one mind my powers cannot penetrate. 

‘When you replied to Emmitt about how you-’

‘Oh, that,’ she says softly although I could have sworn if it had been anything else she would have said it with humour. 

‘Maybe I’m the next girl Alice will tell Esme about,’ she mutters quietly. 

I want to tell her Alice already has. 

Being with her is like being in the midst of drowning in the blood of a fresh kill. I am blind to the outside world and yet lose all sense of self. The only thing that matters is sucking up as much nectar as I can before the world ends. Maybe that's why I am so terrified - not of her but of the reality - because in those moments of barbarism is when I hate myself most. 

Bella sits down at our table in Biology without a second look.

The day is bright and clear and I have been ordered to pick up Bella and take her to our house so that she does not accidentally sparkle in front of the entire school. I have taken on the task with protective determination. I know Bella is not completely ignorant of the dangers but I still feel a duty to make sure she is alright. 

When I arrive, her house is empty but her truck is in the drive. However, as I exit out the back door, I see the figure of Bella laying on her stomach on an old quilt in the overgrown yard with her pale, sparkling legs swinging in the air. She is wearing a blue blouse that accentuates the expanse of her neck down to her breastbone and a pair of shorts that look like they were reworked from an old pair of jeans. Her hair is tied up in a loose bun that has become partly undone. Under her, is a heavy quilt that also contains a men’s flannel she must have already removed and a stack of Jane Austen books. 

‘Are you stalking me?’ Bella accuses me as I make my way to her. The last of her hair falls from its pins as she moves her head to meet my eyeline. 

‘Are you scared?’ I tease.

‘Hardly.’ She sits up and her hair blows in layers over her cheek, catching on her nose and lips. ‘Alice told me you would be coming.’

I shake my head. Bella always says this and it always makes it sound like Alice has set us up. If Bella was forewarned about not attending school today, then why was I ordered to come here? However, the light refracting off her bare skin and the way she bites her lip at my jesting compels me to stay. 

‘What are you doing out of doors?’ I ask. ‘I thought you despised the outdoors.’

I sit next to her on the quilt, leaning back on my elbows. She shifts slightly, tucking her calves beside her thighs, but doesn’t look away. 

‘I  _ despise  _ rain,’ she says, mocking my choice of words before continuing dryly: ‘But today it is not raining. In fact, it is practically as sunny as Arizona gets in the winter. I’ve decided to enjoy it.’

She sticks her chin up slightly and reaches for her book - Jane Austen’s  _ Sense and Sensibility  _ \- only to toss it aside the moment she catches sight of the cover. I remember very little of the story, but it probably is not a coincidence that the hero's name is Edward. She picks up Mansfield Park instead and props it up between us so I can’t see her face. I move my head slightly, peeking over the top and pushing the book down with one hand. She meets my eye with a good-natured glare. Some things never change. 

‘Am I interrupting?’

‘Yes, I’m trying to finish my book,’ she replies with the nearest hint of annoyance in her voice. Yet, in her eyes, it is not frustration but faint fear I can detect. Of what, I don’t know. 

‘It might take you a while since you are still only on the first page.’

At this, she thrusts it down. 

‘What are you doing tomorrow?’ I ask before the glint of the sun off her cheekbone blinds me with a foreign feeling. 

‘After school?’ I nod in confirmation. ‘I’m shopping in Port A with Jess and Angela. They need a second opinion of their spring dance dresses.’

‘And after?’

‘Get to the point, Edward,’ she sighs, reaching for her book again. I grab her wrist. 

‘Would you like to have dinner with me?’

‘Blood or food I will have to vomit up later?’

I laugh and she frowns. ‘A date,’ I clarify.

‘Oh.’ She ducks her head and we share a sheepish chuckle. ‘Yeah.. um, sure.’

‘Wonderful.’

I take a deep breath, relishing in the crisp scent of pine that encircles us. 

She glances at her watch. ‘I, um, I should go back inside. I have chores to do. And I need to try to come up with an excuse I can tell Charlie in case he hears about me skipping school.’

‘Can I help?’

She hesitates, folding the quilt end over end quickly. 

‘I’m an expert at crafting nuanced excuses,’ I assert. ‘I’ve got eighty years of experience in that exact field.’

‘I’m really not doing anything exciting,’ she protests modestly. ‘Just some laundry and homework. As for my dad, I will probably tell him I had really bad cramps. He won’t question it.’

‘Is that what normal teenagers do when they skip school?’

‘Probably not,’ she shrugs, holding the door open for me even after her resistance. ‘Although I would never have said that I was a typical teenager even before I was changed. And the movies do tend to exaggerate.’

She tosses the quilt and what I presume is the chief’s flannel over the back of a chair in the kitchen, placing the book on the table. I loiter by her side, not sure of either of our intentions or what the outcome will be. This moment is liminal. Not yet intimate but far enough away from our early acquaintanceship to not be tense. Her home is inviting and filled with a rich tapestry of Charlie’s life and how Bella has struggled to settle herself into it. There is a blanket neatly folded on the ottoman and the kitchen table has the first few daffodils of spring lolled over in a vase.

‘Can you really not hear my thoughts?’ Bella asks as she scoops the warm, freshly clean clothes out of the dryer, dumping them swiftly into a plastic bin. Her shirt rises up slightly in the back and I avoid glancing at her front where I am sure the buttons of her blouse are straining. I stay where I am, leaning in the doorway, putting on a performance for her amusement. I rub my temples and close my eyes like a psychic who gets paid by the palm reading. I can hear her shaking her head. 

‘Not yet,’ I say ominously, opening my eyes again as she props the bin on her jutting hip. 

‘You’re not used to this are you?’

‘You have no idea,’ I tease as I follow her through to the living room. ‘You frustrate me to no end.’

She sits down and picks up a shirt and begins folding it. I reach out a hand to help but she playfully nudges it away. I study the grace in which her hands move, tucking the fabric into neat little rectangles. 

‘Well I'm glad,’ she counters, focused on her task. ‘Seeing how much you frustrated me at the beginning.’

‘I can assure you it was not my intention.’ She narrows her eyes, calling my bluff. I surrender easily. ‘At least, not until I saw how pretty you looked when you were angry.’

She fights not to display that exact expression. My laughter only makes it worse. She returns to matching socks, shielding herself behind her hair.

‘We were both unreasonable and foolish in the beginning. It's okay to admit that now.’

‘You were foolish,’ Bella scoffs. ‘I was trying not to kill the entire student body of Forks high school.’

‘How did you do it?’

She pauses her folding. ‘I don't know,’ she admits. ‘Esme said it might have something to do with my shield. Whatever that means.’

I heard Carlisle's theories about the possibility of Bella having a shield but I thought it only stretched to other vampire’s abilities. Perhaps it stems from her willpower, a stubbornness that gets projected outwards. Would she still carry the same quiet sanctuary to me if she were human? 

‘Could be,’ I ponder, pushing my thoughts back. There is no use dwelling on what could have been. I will only ever no know her as my equal. To befriend her if she were human would be masochistic and pointlessly stupid. Like a lion falling in love with a helpless lamb. It would never end well. 

‘I can’t read minds either,’ Bella says with pointed sarcasm, noticing my distracted state.

‘Sorry,’ I mutter. 

‘What were you thinking about?’ she prompts, adding yet another white undershirt to her father’s pile of laundry. 

‘I’ll tell you only if you tell me what you are thinking,’ I counter. 

‘Fine.’

She pauses her task, waiting for my answer. 

I sigh. ‘What this would be like if you were human.’

‘Obviously, you wouldn’t be sitting here on my couch, for plenty of reasons.’ I frown and she smiles comically. ‘Vampires have to be invited in,’ she explains. 

‘That’s a complete myth,’ I dismiss but my mind is still occupied. While she prattles away about how she had to study Dracula freshman year in Arizona and how she might be biased by it, I attempt to permeate her shield again. This discussion on my abilities has hardened my determination. Clenching my jaw, I focus on her thoughts, ignoring the lingering muddle of sounds that come from the neighbours. 

‘What are you doing?’ she asks, pausing her mindless chore to stare at my tense expression. 

And just then, for a brief second that slips away far too easily, I sense a slight feeling of confusion. It is not expressed in words, but it also doesn’t feel like how Jasper explains his inhuman emotional perception. I do not feel confusion because she does. I know without question that she is puzzled about something even if she didn’t ask a question. But, just as it was in Biology class two weeks ago, it is gone from my reach before I have time to grasp it. 

She notices the slight widening of my eyes and she asks her question again. 

‘Attempting to read your mind,’ I answer.

She leans away, embarrassed, like moving those three inches could prevent what I already can’t do.

‘Did you…’

‘Still nothing. Not anything clear, anyway.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What are you apologizing for?’

‘You said it yourself. I frustrate you.’

The once playful atmosphere I had said those words in earlier has melted away to a silence baked with unease. Bella finishes folding the last pair of jeans and then tucks the newly clean clothes back into the bin stacked in neatly separated piles. I avert my eyes while she sorts through the undergarments. I decide not to overstep her hospitality any longer. 

‘I should probably return home,’ I say, rising from my seat. ‘As long as I have your promise you will not leave the house. The Volturi may not have many rules, but the one they do have are never to be crossed. If you were to expose your skin in broad daylight the effects could be disastrous. I don’t know what I would do if-’

I am promptly cut off by Bella’s playful response. 

‘Enough with the chivalry, Edward. It's like you’re courting me or anything.’

We are nearing the front of the house and she stands by the staircase with her hands tucked into the back pockets of her shorts. 

‘You don’t want me to court you?’

Her eyes widen and she asks with an astonished smile: ‘Don’t you have to ask my father permission first?’

We are standing in the open doorway now, halfway between her house and the blazing sun. 

‘When can I speak to him?’

She laughs at my earnestness. ‘I’m kidding, Edward. You're acting like we are getting married and not going out on a date.’

A thrum of something light and warm waltzes up my spine. Bella Swan has agreed to a date. She may laugh at my formality and traditionalism, but eighty years ago, this stage was the dizzy, whirlwind time of evading chaperones and kissing in the dark while the entire world slept. The twenty-first century feels other wordy with its casual sex and open-air wooing. There are websites dedicated to this modern notion of ‘dating’ now; a whole language of love that is no longer reduced to flowers, fans, and gloves. And to think that I had hardly touched the skin of the fairer sex in those seventeen human years because all the young ladies I encountered wore gloves.

Yet, here we are, unchaperoned, wearing hardly more than the flimsiest fabric, inches away from touching. And for the first time, I desire her in a way I have never longed for anything. With her crystal skin, glowing amber eyes and devious smile - she is the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes upon. 

And when she peeks from behind her hair one last time before ducking through the doorway, I swear I become human for the seconds long enough to succumb to a heart attack. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter-  
> An evening in Port Angeles puts in motion an event of disastrous consequences.


	12. CHAPTER ELEVEN - PORT ANGELES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While in Port Angeles, Bella gets a little too lost in her thoughts.

I promised both Charlie and my school friends that I would go dress shopping in the nearby Port Angeles. My dad had been pleased to learn that I do in fact associate with people outside the Cullens. And Jessica was delighted that she could have another girl to complement the many dresses she wished to try on. Mike only rolled his eyes as she went through the styles she had seen in the latest Teen Vogue by our lockers this morning. But it's not the dresses or the invigorating estrogen rush I would get from a girls trip that I’m most anticipating.

I’m acting like a love-struck idiot, wishfully thinking that Edward will be there. I’m starting to think it was all a dream and that there might be more than just vampirism wrong with me. I’m not entirely sure he wasn’t joking. Something about his aloof confidence makes every word sound teasing. So I have hope, but it might be for nothing. 

Jess, Angela, and I all pile into Jessica’s car after school and spend the entire journey above the speed limit, arriving in Port A close to four. The city itself doesn’t have many options - but at least it has more than Forks - so we go to the only department store. I mostly remain in the present. But when I am returning their discarded dresses to the rack as Jessica questions Angela about what her type in men are and both their cheeks are flushed, I let go of the human charade and return the dresses quickly. Then, as I walk to join them by the shoes, I take my time and let my thoughts sink into mushy, romantic territory. 

This morning he gave me a ride to school. Charlie was already gone so I didn't have to explain why there was a shiny Volvo parked in the driveway. And when we arrived, wearing light jackets despite the ongoing chill that was reluctant to disappear - him with sunglasses and me wearing a plaid skirt under my favourite sweater - the whole school stared with their mouths agape. 

I wonder if he thinks about me the same way I think about him. Do I dazzle him? Because I see him as more than a friend and he didn't even want to be that a month ago. And today in Biology he was back to an odd stiffness I hadn't experienced in some time. We talked casually, but he sounded more restrained than usual. And when I mentioned what we would be doing tonight, he only told me that he would meet me in Port Angeles at twilight. Perhaps he is just as nervous as I am. 

He occupies my thoughts in ways I never thought someone could. I expected to graduate high school never having had a boyfriend; passing with honours and going to my first choice of university. But everything has changed. I have no idea what I will be doing in five years, all I know is that I will still be alive in five hundred. I shiver at the prospect. I hope Edward will be there - beside me till the end of time. 

Now I shiver on purpose, trying to shake the insane thoughts from my brain. I hardly know him! Sure, we share a similar life-altering secret, but a date is a date, that is it. Why am I expecting it will amount to anything but disappointment when he stands me up. I can’t allow him to have this level of influence over me. It is pathetic. More than pathetic, it’s unhealthy.

On the way back to Jess and Angela, I catch my reflection in a tall mirror. I’ve been avoiding my reflection these past two months so it's startling to see the new me so clearly. I have always considered myself average in terms of beauty. Definitely not striking but with nice enough features to not be demoted to plain. And my figure was no different. I had always been slim but never trim and athletic. Yet somehow this had all changed when I became a vampire. It felt weird to try and associate this person staring back at me in the mirror with my innate sense of self. The self that likes to occupy space in the background, the girl who had never tried to fit in but was reluctant to stand out. 

And alongside this analysis, I can help but think that if I were still human, Edward Cullen would not look at me twice. 

‘What is taking Bella so long?’ I hear Jess ask across the shop floor and it snaps me out of my dangerously spiralling thoughts. 

‘I don’t know. She normally walks so fast. Sometimes I can't even keep up and I have long strides.’

‘What do you think, nude or silver?’ Jessica asks, holding up two pairs of shoes, hardly giving Angela time to speak before saying, ‘You know what, neither. The heels are far too high.’

‘I was nice of her to come,’ Angela continues, ‘even if she isn’t going to the dance.’

‘Are you sure? I bet Edward Cullen is going to ask her.’

‘Maybe,’ Angela replies quietly. I make my entrance with my head tilted slightly down. They get over their gossiping swiftly and show off their choices. I compliment them appropriately, telling Jessica she shouldn’t limit her options just because she doesn’t want to be as tall as her date. She thanks me and buys the strappy silver pair. 

As we exit out of the fluorescent-lit building and into the overcast evening, they pick back up the subject of Edward. 

‘So are you dating Edward Cullen now?’ Jessica asks, a shopping bag hanging in the crook of each arm. 

‘I guess so,’ I reply, keeping a snarky comment about courting to myself. I shrug as Jessica stares in awe. 

‘You are so lucky. He’s utterly gorgeous.’

‘We’re really happy for you Bella,’ Angela says sweetly. 

‘Actually, I’m meeting him for dinner tonight,’ I say timidly, waiting for their reactions. 

‘Here, in Port Angeles?’ Angela asks. Jessica is speechless. 

‘Yeah. Soon I think.’

‘Oh my God,’ Jess exclaims. ‘Well, have fun. And call me when you get home. I want  _ all  _ the details.’

‘How about in Trig tomorrow,’ I suggest, avoiding having to speak to her about this on the landline in front of Charlie. ‘I don’t know how late we will be out.’

She practically shrieks. Angela blushes. 

‘Well, see you tomorrow,’ I say with a wave as I set off in the other direction. I decide to make my way towards the road that goes in the direction of Forks so that it will be easier for Edward to find me. I look out for parked Volvos on the way. There are none that look like his. 

I head south, not wanting to be caught walking around in circles around the same blocks. I window shop, avoiding the restaurant I know Jess and Angela are in. Gradually, the foot traffic thins and I am alone again. I bask in the twilight. Something inside of me feels sheltered by the darkness. I continue on, telling myself that if Edward truly wanted to take me on a date as he planned, he would put in the effort of searching for me. 

During my meandering, I started to think back to my encounter with Billy Black last night. Charlie had gone fishing during the day and had not arrived back until the sun was starting to set and I was on my second hour of homework. With all the things that had been happening with the Cullens recently I had let it build up. I had specifically been procrastinating on my Biology assignment. 

And it’s not like I have my nights anymore. Not since Alice started inviting me to go on long walks through the forest with her while Forks sleeps, oblivious to the monsters among them. It started after she knocked on my window the night after I visited the Cullens’ house. She must have known how overwhelmed I was and saw with her incredible use of foresight that I needed to be distracted. We talked about her time with the Cullens over the past half-century and how she can’t remember her human life. Just like me, she has no memory of being turned. She has mentioned how wonderful it would be if I joined them but I am still hesitant to commit wholeheartedly. I know that once I set my heart to something I am too stubborn to ever change it, so I want a few more weeks before I set my future. College decisions aren't till senior year and yet here I am deciding eternity. 

But last night I used my (by then fully completed homework) as an excuse not to go out walking when she knocked on my window. It's not that I wanted time to myself, or that Alice’s extroverted nature was becoming tedious - in fact, I was eager to tell her about the day I spent with her brother - but rather that something Billy Black had said had me preoccupied with fear.

Billy had brought over a bag of Henry Clearwater’s supposedly infamous fish fry. Jacob, his son, had driven him and the conversation had started out lightly with Charlie commenting on how young he was to be driving. He was still only fifteen. But it went south from there. The Black’s, despite their friendly nature and Charlie’s wholehearted approval, still managed to make me feel on edge. I still tried my hardest to remain welcoming, taking forced bites of greasy fish and fetching beers for Charlie and Billy from the fridge in the basement. 

Billy had cornered me at the basement door, his wheelchair blocking off the hallway. He had a grim, anxious expression etched into his worn features. I closed the door behind me, the icy beers cradled in my other arm. He knew and believed the myths. Wholeheartedly. 

I had been expecting this. I had been purposely avoiding Billy Black and last night had been the first time he had seen me enough to discredit that the changes could be blamed on the years passing. I had also fully expected he would tell Charlie, but perhaps he wanted some answers from me first.

‘I’ve noticed you’ve spent a lot of time with the Cullens,’ he said, carefully and with full commitment. Although, I could tell that under the surface there was a part of him that was terrified. Not  _ for _ me, but  _ of _ me. 

‘Yes,’ I replied curtly. ‘But I don't think that it is any of your business.’

‘It does when it involves the safety of an old friend.’

His hands gripped tighter to the wheels of his chair. He was unwavering but not unfearing. He was sacrificing his own security confronting me like that. I decided to use this to my advantage. One measly threat from a vampire will scare him enough to last long enough to come up with a plan to end his interference for good. 

‘Charlie is perfectly safe,’ I countered. ‘And so will you be if you leave me alone.’

While he gathered his bearing, I analysed what he had said. When did he see me with the Cullens? His son doesn't go to our school and the only reason he would have to come into Fork would be to see Charlie or maybe to buy something for the limited shops. And if he thought I was a vampire, why would he bring up spending time with the Cullens specifically. Unless he thought they had changed me? 

‘They didn’t do this.’ His features hardened. ‘They haven’t done anything to me.’

‘I hope so.’

In the other room Charlie and Jake had transitioned from the work Jacob was doing to fix up his car to who they thought would win the game that I had long lost interest in. 

‘Because if even one of them breaks a rule, you will be punished as well.’ 

I kept my expression sturdy until he wheeled completely back into the living room. Once he was out of human earshot, I bared my teeth and let out a scream so high pitched and quick not even a dog could have heard it. Without taking a deep breath - which would have ruined my chances at not ripping Billy and his son to pieces - I walked steadily to where my father was waiting.

It was also that evening - after the blacks had left - that I broached the subject of Edward Cullen, knowing that I should get a head start on the chatter that was sure to pass through town soon. If Billy Black was noticing things then the rumours were circulating already. And it was probably better to test the waters with dating before revealing that I’m a vampire and have been for a while. 

‘Hey, um, Dad?’ he glanced up from washing the dishes to face where I was walking through the doorway. 

‘Yes, Honey?’

He turned back to the sink as I leaned on the counter beside him. 

‘You know when I told you Alice Cullen invited me to start sitting with her siblings at lunch?’

‘I’m still processing it, but yes.’

‘Well, I’ve become close with her brother…’

Charlie dropped the glass he was scrubbing back into the soapy water with a splash. He appeared to be having an aneurysm.

‘Dad, are you alright?’

‘You’re dating Edwin Cullen?’ He thundered, fully abandoning the dishes. 

‘Edward,’ I clarified cautiously. His eyes narrowed and I could sense his heart rate skyrocketing. ‘I thought you liked the Cullens?’

‘He’s too old for you,’ he declared, not understanding the dramatic irony.

‘Edward, Dad,’ I repeated. ‘The youngest one with reddish-brown hair. We are both juniors.’

‘Oh, well, that’s,’ he fumbled, ‘that's better. This Edward, is he your boyfriend?’

‘Sort of.’

His eyebrows, which had just begun to relax, furrowed again. 

‘We haven’t actually been on a date yet.’

‘You said last night you were not interested in any of the boys in town.’

‘Edward doesn't live in town,’ I argued. 

He humphs but conceded: ‘Well, he’d better introduce himself before he takes you out.’ 

He nodded firmly, I did the same. And with that, the conversation was over. It went better than expected but still makes me nervous to think about telling him the complete truth. 

Gradually, after meandering through Port A for half an hour, I notice that I am entering streets of mostly abandoned warehouses and factories. Brick and metal rise up in all directions and I can hear the sound of racoons rustling in far away dumpsters. There are footsteps behind me. Heavy ones, at least four people from what I can tell. Turning a corner, I peek back to see a group of young men, college-age, their hair spiky and their clothes dark. They are raucously joking and laughing but I can hear them mentioning  _ the girl. _ I straighten out my shoulders and hold onto my purse tight, holding it across my body as they tell you to do in order to prevent your purse from being snatched. It's automatic. I know that they can’t hurt me but seventeen years as a human girl has made me cautious and at least slightly afraid of what they might do. 

There are only two behind me now and I debate turning around. I feel more confident in taking on two at a time. They have nothing on my reflexes but my mortal terror might get in the way. But for the moment they remain half a block behind, trailing quietly. It is more sinister than if they were as boisterous as before. I round the next corner to see the other two men coming towards me. I am being herded. All I see are the backs of warehouses, with chain-link fences and beds for trucks. I can probably scale one of the fences but I have an uncontrollable urge to stand my ground. 

They surround me now. I duck my head and allow my hair to cover my face. I can’t resist smiling. I know something they don’t. I’m lethal. I’m at the top of the food chain and they are as easily squishable as a bug under my shoe. They chuckle, muttering between themselves and egging each other on. I tune it out, focusing on sensing which one smells the most delicious. This urge for violence is overtaken with thirst. My throat burns and my senses sharpen into perfect focus.

‘Stay away from me.’

It is my last attempt to avoid doing what I know I’m unable to prevent. 

‘Don’t be like that sugar,’ one of them calls and that is it. I lunge. 

The laughter of his accomplices seizes suddenly as I latch onto his neck. My legs wrap around his middle and my hands yank his neck back. It snaps. The propulsion of my jump knocks him down and I suck deeply from his artery as the warmth of his body begins to transfer into mine. 

His friends are panicked but don’t flee. They are stupid and instead take out the weapons they had been planning to use on me. One guy has a switchblade and another had already slipped off his belt in preparation for violence. I grin, my teeth stained with blood. 

‘What the fuck!’ one of the dead boy friend’s yells. 

‘Crazy bitch,’ another swears. ‘She fucking killed him.’

I stand hunched, waiting for the next one to attack me. The blood is beating through my formulary empty veins. I feel electric with power. My whole body hums in approval at the sweet taste of metal and the warmth of a fresh kill. This is what happiness feels like.

Without waiting for them to provoke me, I race to the closest one, the tall guy with the knife. His small blade manages to make contact with my chest but it skids like a sword off metal armour. The switchblade lands on the pavement with a scraping sound. Panicked, mangoes to wrestle me to the grounds and presses a forearm to my throat, I grin from under it. He may think he has me pinned but I've just been biding my time, letting his arrogance be his downfall. I simply bite into his arm, allowing the warm blood to course between my lips. He grunts and hisses in shock. It's at this that the other boys begin to back away. But I'm too fast. With a hit to the side of his head, the guy on top of me falls to the side unconscious or perhaps finally dead. I still don’t feel full or satisfied and I don’t think I will until they are all lying dead and empty. 

But, as I walk dangerously towards the last two, indulging in the terror on their faces, a car skids to a stop beside me. I don’t turn around. I stalk, fully engrossed in my mission. 

‘Bella!’ 

It sounds muffled. Like I’m drowning and this is the shout of my rescuer before they jump into the water after me. 

‘Edward?’ I breathe. I feel as light as paper. Blissful and warm. Intoxicated even. I look over my shoulder to where he stands, imposing but utterly heartbreaking, illuminated in the bright headlights. 

The dead man's friends, who had at one point stepped forward in horror, were now turning to run. I swivel to bare my teeth. They freeze with fright. In that time, Edward comes up behind me. 

‘You are going to kill them.’

It's not a question. It's a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> Violence and leads to new discoveries.


End file.
